Homegrown Texan

Born and raised in Texas, I've found the home of my heart and soul in the Pacific Northwest. I love trees, cool weather, and rain. I'm a back to basics kind of gal just trying to raise my family and find a bit of time to slow down in this hectic life.

Boy, I'm so great at keeping up with this, aren't I? Oh, well, I have no one to answer to but myself.

I'm missing Austin more and more. It almost seems unfair that when I made the decision to move to AZ over 10 years ago, I had no idea the impact it would have. I was young and had never lived out of my parents' house, let alone out of the city, so I was excited at anything new. Plus relations with my mom were less than stellar, so even though I'm sure getting out of the house would have been enough, psychologically I think a long move felt like a huge step towards getting away from all that.

What I didn't know was how much I would end up missing the place. I love the trees, the air, the way the city looks, and the way the roads intermingle like spaghetti. I miss seeing green everywhere, and the spring wildflowers. I miss Texas Bluebonnets. I miss the food (God, I'm craving Tex-Mex, and BBQ, and REAL chili, and chicken fried steak, and meat markets on every corner, and a *real* meat section in the grocery store, and fresh pecans sold on the side of the road, and, and, and...). I miss a "real" winter (northerners would laugh at this statement, but I just miss having a fair number of days to snuggle up in layers of clothes ALL DAY). I miss Mount Bonnell (my favorite place to relax and just think). I miss my parents (including my mom...she has made so many changes, and I love her and am so very proud of her for them). I miss my friend Joanna. I miss going for drives on back country roads just to think and relax. I miss having a memory with every place I go.

What I really regret, is I had no idea how hard it would be to reverse that decision to move here. I thought "I can move back as easily as I move there, should I decide to do so". For one thing, I didn't think I would want to move back. I don't know if it is a product of having kids, or getting older, or both, but something about the process makes me want to go back to my home. But it's not so simple. I now have a job, and a house, and a husband with his own ties here, and kids in a school that is wonderful and not easily replaced.

But I do, I want to come home. I want to spend time with my parents as an adult (something I never really got to do; I was barely grown when I left). I fear that if I wait for my kids to finish school, I'll be too late. And besides, I don't want to wait. I want to come home. But I don't feel like I can rip up my whole family's lives just to do that. I'm just not sure what to do.

I've toyed with journaling from time to time over the course of my life, but never stuck with it. A big part being because my hand starts to hurt after I write for a while. And writing everything down in a computer document just seems so boring. I thought this might be fun to do over time, so I'm giving it a try.