Homegrown Texan

Born and raised in Texas, I've found the home of my heart and soul in the Pacific Northwest. I love trees, cool weather, and rain. I'm a back to basics kind of gal just trying to raise my family and find a bit of time to slow down in this hectic life.

Sunday we went "camping" with some friends at their friends' cabin.  Michael got to wrestling with some of the other boys there and got hit in the mouth.  Not hard, but hard enough to knock his tooth out.  He cried some, but got over it pretty quickly.  The tooth had almost no root on it so I wasn't really worried, but since I didn't think it had been loose, I was still surprised that it came out.  I asked him if it had been loose and he said, "oh, yeah, it was loose".  Baby, you gotta prepare your sentimental momma for this kind of thing! :)

I found this poem online about the tooth fairy, so late last night, after we got home, unpacked, and got the kids to bed, I went to Wal-mart (yeah, I know, don't go there) and bought some "jewels" so I could leave one in the tooth fairy pillow Michael sewed in kindergarten last year.  These jewels conveniently have white streaks in them, so one could imagine that they are from the tooth that the jewel was crafted from.

This night it is a special night
As fairies dance upon the roof.
All the fairies must alight,
For Michael just lost a tooth!

The Fairy Queen gives her commands-
Twelve bright fairies must join hands
Then together in a circle stands
To guard Michael while he sleeps.

The Tooth Fairy into the circle leaps
The hidden tooth she takes
Ah, but has far to go
Before Michael awakes.

Three times around the world she flies
Over valleys deep and mountains high;
Skirts the storm clouds thick with thunder,
Wings over waves all wild with wonder.

Deep within their earthly homes
Finally she finds the gnomes,
Who upon the tooth must work
Never once their duty shirk.

Some are hammering, hammering, hammering,
Some the bellows blow
Others sweat at the sweltering forge
And then cry out, "Heigh Ho!"

The tooth's been turned to a shining stone,
A glimmering, glowing gem
The tooth Fairy takes the gnomes' good gift,
And bows (curtsies) to all of them.
Before the sun's first rays are shown,
She returns to Michael's bed,
And then - - - away she's flown!

Nathan turns 5 this Friday.

FIVE!  I can't believe my little baby boy is going to be 5.  For some reason, this age really seals the fact that he's not a baby boy anymore.  Not that a 4 year old is a baby, anyway, but there's just something so grown-up sounding about 5.  I don't know, perhaps it's because 5 is official school age.  Nathan just misses the cut-off for kindergarten this year, so he's in preschool.  But since preschool & kindergarten are combined at his school, he feels like he is in kindergarten.  And since Michael is in kindergarten, they are in the same class.  This is the only year that will happen.  They are really enjoying it, and it's really sweet.  I'm glad that they get to have this time together before Michael moves on and they start going their separate ways.

It's especially exciting, though, when Nathan has a birthday, because like I'm sure most moms do, I get to think back to when he was born.  Nathan was premature, and couldn't breathe or eat on his own very well.  So he was hooked up to a vent for a little while, IVs, ate with a stomach tube, etc.  It was sad to see him with all these tubes going in and out of him.  But now it's cool to look back and see how far he's come.  He's a perfectly healthy and happy little boy.  And yes, I'm sad that I don't have my baby anymore, but I'm also so happy to see him advancing, just like he's supposed to.  And, when he crawls into bed or asks for a cuddle in his bath towel after his shower before he gets dressed, I know that I really do, for a while longer at least, still have my baby boy.

This morning Nathan made Michael's bed for him "as a surprise".  Michael has often does this for Nathan in the past, so Nathan said he wanted to do something for him.  Michael gave Nathan a big hug and told him "I love you soooo much, Nathan".

These kids fight on occasion, but they really do love each other and are generally very sweet to each other.  Sometimes they are so sweet, my heart just melts, and I want it to last forever.

Ok, the neighbors got a fancy new Jeep.  And it's fancy new alarm system goes off all. the. time.  At first I thought it was growing pains with them getting used to it (I don't think they've had an alarmed vehicle before).  But it's going on weeks now, and I really don't think my neighbors are that incompetent (even though they, among several of my other neighbors, seem unable to get their garbage *in* the community garbage cans in the alley; I shudder to think what the floors around their toilets look like).  This thing goes off, among other times, every morning around 5:50 am, which to make things extra annoying, is 10 minutes before my alarm is set to go off.  Early enough that I don't want to just get up anyway, and late enough that I can't really go back to sleep after waking up in this adrenaline-pumping fashion.  This does not make me happy.

Well, I do think I figured out why.  Just now a helicopter flew overhead and the alarm started.  As the helicopter got quieter, the alarm stopped.  I'm pretty sure we have a traffic copter that flies overhead every morning (since we live near a major freeway).  Now you can definitely hear the chopper, but it's not insanely loud or anything.  I can't believe this alarm is that sensitive.

So, I'm annoyed.

So the last couple of months I've been working out at Curves.  Some may think of this as an old lady's club, and that may be true (I've only seen one person from my generation or younger there).  But you can get as much out of it as you put into it.  Plus it's close and I can get a workout done in 45 minutes (including travel time), which is about all I can manage to arrange to commit to in my morning schedule.  After 2 months, I can see more arm muscles than I ever saw even after training with free weights (I've always had poor arm and upper body strength).  I've lost a few pounds, and I'm sure I've gained some muscle.  Still haven't lost all the belly fat that I'd like (yes, I gain weight like a guy, so I have no butt and a beer belly).  But overall I've been doing well.

I do Curves 3x week (per recommendation), MWF.  I could take TTh off, but with previous workout attempts I've learned that those days off just serve as continual reminders to myself of how nice it is to sleep in an extra half hour.  This is a reminder that I do not need.  I had been walking at the park, but walking isn't quite doing it for me.  I hate running (call me crazy, but I always feel like my eyeballs are jolting around in my head, which quickly gives me a headache).  But the walking, while nice, wasn't feeling like enough.

So I this morning I took my shiny new helmet and not so new or shiny bike and went for a ride.  I had half an hour, so thought I'd ride out for 15 minutes and then ride back.  7 minutes into it I realized that I was just not going to make it that long, so I reduced my ride to 20 minutes total.  I was relieved to find on the way back that my outbound route had a slight uphill grade.  So the ride back was easier, and I learned that I wasn't quite the wimp that I thought I was (and I got back 2 minutes early).  I ended up going just over 2 miles (according to Google maps).  2 miles in 20 minutes works out to 7.3mph, which is pretty pathetic; I can't believe I'm that bad.  I had been toying with the idea of going on some local "beginners" rides on Saturdays; those say they are 12-15 mph for 15-20 miles, which apparently I'm not up for.  That said, I did pace myself a little more than I probably needed to, so I think I can do more.  Since I'm working out before work, I was a little paranoid of pushing too hard then running out of steam and ending up getting back late.  I just can't believe I'm so bad  that I'm not even beginner level.  I'm going to have to suck it up some weekend morning when I'm not under weekday morning time constraints and see what I can really do.

In any case, it's a start, and I'll only get better.  It did feel good to get out and ride.  I did some long bike rides as a teenager at summer camp and *loved* it.  I'm also glad I worked out for a couple of months before trying this; I could feel the strength in my legs and know that a couple of months ago I'd have been dying.  And, unlike with walking, I really have the potential to push myself and up my endurance level, which is what I need to be doing right now.

Q. Can you cook?

Q. What was your dream growing up?

Q. What talent do you wish you had?

Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be?

Q. Favorite vegetable?

Q. What was the last book you read?

Q. What zodiac sign are you ?

Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

Q. Worst Habit?

Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

Q. What is your favorite sport?

Q. Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?

Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

Q. Tell me one weird fact about you:

Q. Do you have any pets?

Q. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

Q. What was your first impression of me?

Q. Do you think clowns are scary?

Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

Q. What color eyes do you have?

Q. Ever been arrested?

Q. Bottle or Draft?

Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

Q. Would you date me?

Q. What's your favorite place to hang out at?

Q. Do you believe in ghosts?

Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Q. Do you swear a lot?

Q. Biggest pet peeve?

Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Q. Middle Name?

Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same?
A.Type your cut contents here.

Ok, so I think I've proven to myself that anything having to do with the internet is a cyclic thing for me.  Ok, except for maybe World of Warcraft, to which I'm hopelessly addicted.  I rotate through different boards, or sometimes none at all.  But I have been thinking of my LJ friends as of late, and a kick in the pants from  prompted me to actually write.

So what's going on with me...my job is in a very, um, interesting state right now.  Our company is being bought, and it's a case of Russian roulette as to whether we can make a sale happen before we run out of money and therefore have nothing left to sell.  We have an incredible team of engineers with expertise on what I believe to be a highly sellable and minimally tapped market, but we don't have the size or the selling capability to do anything about it.  Which is where the buying company comes in. We're looking at one very prominent company in particular to buy us.  They have expressed interest and are going through all the legal mumbo jumbo to do it, but that all takes time, something we have little of, and until it's signed, there's always the chance they could back out. I'm told we would fold somewhere around the end of August with no extra funds.  And that's with everyone already running on a 20% pay cut.  I believe our president isn't taking a salary at all.  I just found out the other day that he (the president) is looking at funds  to give us more runway, and could give us the option of "assuming some of the risk" by opting to go without pay.  Sounds harsh, but the payoff is, if we *do* get sold, we would get our lost pay back 3 times, at our 100% salary rate.  So I could stand to make some decent money, but I could stand to rack up some decent debt, too.

Let's see...4 more weeks now, I think, until the kids start school.  Michael will be doing another year of kindergarten.  Part of the Waldorf philosophy (and I'm sure I'm totally butchering it here) is to allow kids to grow in *all* areas, not just academics.  Supposedly the early childhood is a time to lay foundations in terms of imagination, fantasy play, etc., and the teachers felt that Michael would do well to develop that for another year.  It's a pretty common thing to happen, actually.  I was worried that Michael would be upset since I didn't know any better and had told him he'd automatically go to 1st grade, and since some of his good friends are moving forward (some of whom have already repeated kindergarten, and some of whom, well, didn't really listen to the teachers' suggestions about staying another year).  But he was very glad, almost relieved, it seemed, to hear that he'd do another year of kindergarten.  Which seals the deal for me that this is the right decision.  Nathan will be moving into a 5 day preschool program (up from 3 day last year).  He misses the kindergarten cutoff, which means we are paying for another year of school.  Since the preschool and kindergarten are mixed, we had the option of having him and Michael in the same class.  Michael is looking forward to that, and I'm looking forward to only having to deal with one class for a year.  They will have the same teacher Michael had last year (and Nathan visited that class a number of times as well)...Mr. John is absolutely wonderful and I'm very pleased to have him for another year.

Last: I finally got off my lazy ass and started an exercise program.  I kept telling myself I didn't need to since I haven't *gained* weight in the last couple of years.  But I haven't lost any either, and the love handles and tummy pooch haven't gone away.  I also was thinking that some very overweight people I know didn't get that way overnight, and I'm presuming that my metabolism will not spontaneously speed up (but very well may do the opposite as I get older).  So I joined Curves.  Easy, conveniently located 5 minutes from my house, I can get in a decent workout in 30 minutes.  Maybe I could work harder at a traditional gym, but I wouldn't go and don't always have the time to spend an hour or more puttering around the machines.  So this works for me.  I'm doing Curves 3 days a week and a brisk walk a few times around the lake at Kiwanis park 2 days a week.  Well, that's my "assignment" to myself, but so far I've been walking one weekend day as well.  Jim got me hooked up with audio books, which has become my reward for walking.  Go for a walk, get to listen to a story *and* have quiet time away from the kids.  What's not to like?  Right now I'm reading A Good Yarn, by Debbie Macomber.  It's a story about a lady who opens a yarn store and the various life challenges her, her family, and some of her patrons face and overcome.

Guess that's about it for now, work calls.

1. Can you cook?

2. What was your dream growing up?

3. What talent do you wish you had?

4. Favorite place?

5. Favorite vegetable?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. What zodiac sign are u ?

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?

10. Do we know each other outside of lj?

11. What is your favorite sport?

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:

16. Do u have any pets?

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?

18. What time is it where u are now?

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22. What color eyes do you have?

23. Ever been arrested?

24. Bottle or Draft?

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30. Do you swear a lot?

31. Biggest pet peeve?

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

I've been dying to get up to the forest lately. I get cranky if I'm away from trees for too long. Jim just called and said that the company he works for wants him to install some cameras in their cabin up in Pine (northern Arizona). We get to go up Friday night and stay until Sunday. Jim has to do some work, but the cabin's free and he'll have time to geocache with us, too.

I can't wait...I'm so excited! Just as it's starting to heat up down here in hell Phoenix, too.  This is the hardest time of the year for me almost; even though it's not ridiculously hot yet, the anticipation alone just kills me.

Since I have so many new WONDERFUL friends on LiveJournal I thought this would be fun!! I also would like to know my older LJ friends much better!!

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better ! If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! *

3. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Well, I guess all's well that ends well.  I was quite peeved when [info]lovemonster posted about the National Pork Board going after a breastfeeding activist who was selling pro-breastfeeding shirts with a slant on a popular pork advertisement.  I wasn't really upset that they were trying to protect their slogan (although I think it's silly, because I think it can only help, and certainly can't hurt them).  What upset me was the manner in which they issued the cease and desist, including implying that using the phrase cast a negative tone on pork (how is breastfeeding negative???) and that the woman was promoting some kind of adult breastfeeding fetish (ok, that's how..but HTF did they draw that conclusion???).

Anyway, since I griped on a number of message boards about this, I feel I should also do my part to publicize the resolution.

So last night I thought I noticed blood in my urine.  I thought maybe it was a time-of-month related thing, but that didn't quite seem right.  I figured I'd just let it go and see what happened today.

This morning, same thing.  Now I'm famous for getting UTIs and having no clue that I have them.  Seriously, the only times I've ever known that I had one was when I happened to get a test at the doctor for other reasons and they told me I had one.  So I'm thinking, "great, my kidneys are now disentegrating and my body didn't even bother to clue me in that something was going wrong".

Then it hit me.  I had a big bowl of beetroot and beet green salad for lunch yesterday.  I'm not really that much of a beet fan, but they were in my veggie delivery, and I didn't want to waste them.  Beets tinge your urine red.  Problem solved. :)

So I've been doing some knitting for the kids as of late.  I'm learning that small children are great for learning projects...they don't notice your mistakes, they love new things, and since they're small, their items take less time to knit.

First off are the hat and mittens I did.  The blue hat was my very first one, and it turned out *huge*!  I was using a smaller gauge yarn that the pattern called for, so my calculations were off. On top of that, I added in some decorative yarn for the brim and earflaps.  The thing is large even on *me*.  But, my son loves it and it keeps his ears warm in the morning, so I'm happy.
Yarn: Plymouth Encore
I can't find the hat pattern at the moment; I have the printout, but can't find the link :(
mittens - Knitty's Mittens 101

You'll note that there is only one mitten in the picture.  That's because my son left one at school.  Thankfully, he found it there this morning.

Now on to my other son's hat and mittens.  Same yarn and patterns, different color.  His fancy thread ended up in his mitten cuffs.  I think it's a bit girly, but it's what he wanted, so hey, what do I care?  His hat is kind of stretched out because when he's not wearing it, he tends to use it to collect treasures, like rocks.  I need to wash it so it will draw back up again.  His mittens were the first ones I did, as you can tell by the misshapen graft stitches on the bottom one.  The color in this pic is really off; it shows up better in the "modeling" pic further down.

The next 2 are of the kids modeling the goods:

Now are the bottle covers I knitted up and felted.   The kids carry stainless steel water bottles to school and in the car, and they complained that they are cold to hold onto when they have ice water in them.  I also did this to make theirs unique from some of the other kids in the class.  This was my first felting project!  I got the pattern idea from one someone posted a while back, but I can't find the link.  At the time I read the pattern and then wrote out my own modifications.  I believe the original pattern was for a coffee carrier (i.e., it had an open bottom). 
Yarn: Cascade 220 and Cascade 220 quatro
Pattern: Basically I swatched, then felted, and figured out my *felted* gauge.  Then I figured out how big I needed the cover to be for the bottles I was making it for.  I started the handle with a provisional cast-on and worked it in stockinette stitch.  When the handle was as long as I needed, I cast on half the stitches I needed for the body, picked up the provisional cast on stitches, and then cast on the other half (I hope this makes sense).  Then I just worked in the round; I didn't do any decreases at the end, just drew it up at the bottom.  Then I felted the whole thing.  It's a pretty easy process; I could describe it in more detail if someone is interested.

The multi-colored one has made one more felting trip through the washer than the blue one, so it's closer to the size I wanted.  Next time I wash dark towels, I'll felt  the blue one once more.  It fits a bit loosely as it is, and you can see that it comes up higher on the bottle.  Oh, and both are the same size; the perspective of the picture makes them look different.

x-posted to

Ok, I get that reservations are a pain to maintain.

But what, for the love of God, is so hard about putting your name down over the phone?  If I'm not there when you call my name, too bad for me. I  could live with that.  But why the $#(@ do I want to pay so that I can go stand around like cattle in a crowded waiting room for 45 minutes (if I'm lucky), or outside in the rain and inevitable smoke?

On the positive side, those leftovers suddenly sound very tasty right now.  And cheap, too.

I'm in the boring pre-design phase at work.  Add to that the fact that I don't think I've quite recovered from being up most of the night on Monday, and I'm having a *tough* time focusing.  Thank goodness it's Friday, because I don't think I could make it through another day!

So, Monday night around 11:30 I woke up to hearing Nathan coughing this barky cough.  "Oh great" I thought to myself, thinking I was in for a long night of listening to him cough while he miraculously slept through the noise.  Then I heard him crying.  "Damn, he must have thrown up again", I thought to myself.  He woke up Sat morning throwing up (climbed in bed with me afterwards...I *thought* something smelled wrong, then ended up throwing up in the kitchen again and *cleaned it up himself*, bless his heart).  I thought he was having a recurrence of that.

So I got up to go check on him.  Jim already had him up and I immediately knew something was very wrong.  He was gasping for air, wheezing, and saying "I can't do it!  I can't do it!".  He never would say what he couldn't do, but it was clear that he couldn't breathe very well at all.  I was a little comforted that he was at least able to talk, so at least he was taking in *some* air.  But it scared the living hell out of me.  He got the croup once about a year ago and it got bad enough that I had to take him to urgent care for breathing treatments, but this was so sudden.  Obviously he needed a doctor, but I was afraid to take him to the ER myself, as I was afraid he would get worse before I could even get him there.

So I called 911.  Funny thing about me in emergencies...my mind feels very clear.  I'm pretty sure I'm handling things pretty sanely.  My voice must not convey that, though, because the 3 times I've been in emergency situations like this (the other 2 being when I started bleeding when pregnant with Nathan), I've had people tell me that I needed to calm down and tell them whatever information they needed.  Which is funny, because I've always been perfectly ready to give that information.  Oh, and my hands shake like mad.  I guess my adrenals must work well. :)  Anyway, after hearing the "calm down" speech from the emergency dispatch, I gave my info and they said a fire truck and ambulance would be on their way.

They were there in the matter of a couple of minutes, I'm sure...we live very close to the fire station.  But multiply however many attempted breaths per minute and it felt like an eternity.

Soon my small living room was filled with...5-6 paramedics?  I'm not really sure.  They started taking oxygen sat readings on Nathan and gave him albuterol with an SVN(?) machine.  It seemed to help a little bit, but he was still laboring.  What a guy, he was such a trooper.  Did everything they asked and didn't freak out.

Within a few minutes they were loading me onto the gurney with Nathan in my lap.  Paranoid person that I am, I was a little concerned that they didn't just strap him down and let me ride in the back (always gotta buckle up!), but I let it go.  They took us to Scottsdale Memorial (or whatever it's called now), which I thought was weird since we nearly passed Banner Desert on the way.  I know Desert has a good NICU; maybe not a good peds department?  I don't know, but I have 2 helicopter bills under my belt from being taken to the wrong hospital initially and having to be transferred, so I wasn't going to argue.  Those helicopter bills aren't cheap (even with good insurance) and Nathan seemed to be breathing well enough that I wasn't worried about the extra few minutes.

They started another albuterol treatment on the way.  He seemed to be responding some, but I knew it wasn't quite doing the trick.  I remembered from his other episode that he had some sort of similar breathing treatment. I knew it wasn't albuterol, but couldn't think of what it was.

They got us into a room in the ER right away.  The place was dead...I didn't see any other patients there.  The ER looked pretty extensive, so there may have been some in other areas, but there were no patients waiting...a new experience for me.  The doctor recommended a treatment of epi (*that's* what he had last time!).  Sure enough, that stuff worked wonders.  I could tell it was helping because Nathan wanted to hold the mask to his face himself.  It was like he wanted to make sure it stayed there!  Within a few minutes he was feeling much better.  Once he was doing better and the epi treatment was done, they gave him an oral steroid which they said would take longer to go into effect, but would last longer (the rest of the night).  They kept him for an hour for observation and then let us go home.

He hasn't had any problems since.  He thinks the whole thing is cool...spent the whole day Tuesday talking about how he got to ride in an ambulance, and how the ambulance "wasn't boring, it was FUN!".   He was such a good kid...did everything they asked him with hardly a whimper (he only whimpered at the *3rd try* at a rectal temp reading, as the thermometer didn't want to kick in and take a reading for whatever reason).  Jim and I were very tired as we didn't get to bed until 4 am.  I took the day off and kept the kids home from school.  They didn't sleep as late as I would think they should have after a night like that.  Nathan ended up napping yesterday afternoon, as did I.

I'm so glad he's ok...it was so scary how quickly this came on.

Michael's 6th birthday is coming up next month, and he is sooo excited about it.  He already scheduled a "meeting" with us this week to "talk about stuff like cake, presents, and what park to have it in".  This is the first year we're doing a party with his friends, so he's very excited.  Even cuter...at his school, usually the birthday kid will bring some kind of small gift for the other kids in the class.  Nothing fancy, just some pretty stones, or homemade necklaces...stuff like that.  Yesterday, all on his own, Michael sat down and drew/colored 17 different animals, flowers, etc., cut them out, and then asked for a basket to keep them in until the big day.

So, naturally, I've been thinking about him a lot, and as I guess all moms do, wondering where the time has gone.  It seems impossible that he could have grown up so fast, yet at the same time, his babyhood seems a distant memory.  Sometimes at night I will get him up to go to the bathroom (he's still just a bit shaky on keeping dry all night; this seems to help) and I'll carry him back to bed.  As he clasps his sleepy arms around my neck, I think about what it was like, all those dark nights when I would be up walking the hall with him.  He always had a tough time settling down to sleep.  Oh, how exhausted I was those sleepless nights, but I did make a point of cherishing the quiet time alone.  It's strange to think that that cuddly baby has grown into a still-very-cuddly, but big boy who I can hardly carry back to his bedroom anymore.

I remember when he was born, that I found myself not wanting to go home from the hospital.  Not because I love hospitals...who does?  I hated the whole feeling of someone else being in control of my sweet little baby.  But somehow I felt that maybe if I didn't leave, that those precious early hours would just last forever and ever.  Of course I knew that that wasn't true, but part of me wanted to believe that it could be.  I lived the whole first year of his life acutely aware that every moment was so very fleeting, that I just savored it.  I love that I can appreciate these moments as they happen this way, but it's also an incredibly painful way to live, when you're always so conscious of how time is slipping by, how those moments are gone forever.  And this one...and this one...and this one......

Michael: "I'm shutting the bathroom door because I want some privacy"
Nathan: "I want privacy, too!"
Jim: "Well, then, go in your room to get dressed, Nathan"
Nathan: "I want Michael with me when I'm getting dressed!"


A few months back, we found out about a Waldorf school in Eugene that we're particularly interested in.  It's a charter school (i.e., free, which is the only way we can afford a Waldorf education), and they have a Waldorf teacher training school nearby (something which, previously unbeknownst to me, Jim is interested in).  We are both getting tired of the heat (especially me), and my dream is to live in the forest.  How much better does it get?

So our plan is to spend a week, drive up to Eugene, and check out the school and housing.  We were waiting to find out from the school when they would be holding parent information meetings.  I just got that information today.  And now I feel strangely adverse to the idea of going.  Partly because, I'm not so sure I want to move away from all of our friends.  And we would now be twice as far away from my parents (it would be 2000 miles now), making it more difficult to go see them.  I've always had this picture of myself alone in the forest, surrounded by pine trees.  And it seemed so peaceful and serene.  Now it still does, but I'm also catching a hint of loneliness.  I find that I don't make friends that easily...I do meet people, but it's not often that I click with someone to the point of going the next level of actively spending time with them.  So I'm very reluctant to give up the good times I do have with my wonderful friends here.

And now things at work are in flux.  Our company may get sold.  I'm told that I'd still have a job, but I'm not so sure.  The job market in Eugene for software engineers, well, sucks.  And work-at-home jobs are not so easy to come by...I got really lucky with this one.  No point moving if the chances are high I'd have to move again to find work.  Moving, especially that distance, isn't cheap.

I'm questioning whether we should go on this trip at all.  If we don't have a reasonable chance of moving, then I hate to burn the vacation time and expense.  Pat and Mike have been talking about a ski trip.  Which I'd love to do, but I'm not so sure about that anyway.  Nathan isn't ready to ski at all (chronologically he is, but developmentally he's not), Michael needs 100% supervision and tires easily.  It's very expensive to get child care at a ski resort, and what fun is a ski trip if you don't, well, *ski*?  Plus, I kind of hate spending vacations putting my kids in child care.  It just doesn't feel right to say, "hey, let's stick you with a bunch of strangers and a bunch of filthy, half-broken toys while we go while away the hours on the slopes".  It's ok for an evening or even a day, but the whole time?  Bleh.  I think the reality is, the ski trips should wait until both kids are old enough to either spend at least some time on the slopes with us, or have some friends they could stay with so that they get a vacation, too.