Homegrown Texan

2010-02-28T00:00:00.001-07:00

Lots of things have happened since I last posted. My life has turned upside down in so many ways. Mostly good, all good, I guess. Some a bit difficult, but in a way I welcome that. If it were easy, it probably wouldn't be all that much worth having. I'd rather have beautiful, wonderful things that bring meaning to my life, even if it means some amount of pain or difficulty to get there.

I finally achieved my dream of moving to the Pacific Northwest! Eugene, OR to be exact. Which is pretty fucking awesome, because that's *exactly* where I had decided I wanted to be. It wasn't easy, and I'm still not all the way here (meaning my husband and kids are still back in Phoenix getting the house ready...boooo). I'm living in a small apartment with whatever I could drive up in my small Corolla. Enjoying work, which is a damn good feeling, since I spent the last two years of my career in a professional coma. I hated that, hated how lousy it made me feel about myself, my work ethic, my integrity, my value. All of it. So. damn. glad. to be done with that. I loved working at home, but now I love being in an office again. You know, with real coworkers to interact with. Of course it helps that I don't have anywhere near the kind of commute I would have had in Phoenix. I detest wasting time in an idling car, detest it even more when it's hot outside, so I think I would have been a lot less excited about it back there.

I'm also making some awesome friends, much moreso than I would have ever expected. Which is really cool, because it just supports this feeling, this "knowing" I'm carrying around with me that this is where my soul belongs. I think I wandered around here in a daze for about the first 2 weeks, waiting for the vacation to end and to have to go back home. Now it has finally clicked that this *is* home. I was worried I wouldn't feel that way about it because I moved here not knowing hardly anyone. But it really does feel that way. I can't imagine going anywhere else, and I hope to god I never have to. Not going to dwell on that, though...I'm a worrier by nature as it is and do not need to torture myself by finding things to worry about. Right now I'm just living in the moment. I don't mean that in a frivolous way. But one thing I've learned is that I used to spend so much time worrying about what was going to happen in the future, or missing what was already in the past, that I forgot to enjoy the present. WTF? That makes no sense, whatsoever.

Anyway, now I finally feel that my spirit can relax and start to grow again. I've been thinking lately about "meaning of life" type stuff...finding my purpose and all that. I don't believe in predestination and I don't believe what I'm supposed to be doing fits in some nice, neat box. But I need to give some attention to that. It's something I've been neglecting because I've been so beaten down with work stress and depression. Now I'm finally feeling like I have the spiritual capacity to be able to focus on that. I need to draw from the beautiful nature around me and get that power from it that I know I can. I moved here to feed my spirit and my soul. And I can't wait to do it.

Just not feeling it

2009-11-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

I know I said I'd make "thankfulness" posts. Then I went to Canada. It was a trip that I thoroughly enjoyed and needed, and that I am truly very thankful for. As always, I felt like Dawn, Henry & Matt were my family (even moreso than some of my real family). And, as always, I didn't want it to end. However, strangely, it didn't hit me as hard as it usually does. I think because I know we'll see each other regularly. Our friendship is just too strong for anything else.

What I wasn't prepared for was how depression would slam into me when I got back. And it isn't just the "my vacation is over and now I have to face the yucky real world" post-vacation blues that I usually get. This is full out, I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself depression. I *need* to find a job. And I have no idea if I can. During a good moment I feel like it's a numbers game...like I have to go through some magic number of grueling job applications and even more grueling job interviews (engineering interviews last a minimum of 4 hours...most of them last all day) just to win the numbers. It sort of feels like being told you have to support your family by winning the lottery, so I just keep buying tickets and hope I get the right one before I run out of ticket money (where "ticket money" is both mental & emotional energy, as well as actual money, which I'm running out of). That's on a good day. On a bad day like today it feels like God (if I believed in God) is an abusive stepparent, and me finding a job is like me asking to go out with my friends to the movies. My stepparent makes me go through all the motions of doing all of the chores, getting perfect grades, behaving perfectly, and then maybe, just *maybe* if stepparent hasn't been drinking or hasn't had a bad day, he'll let me go out.

Or...maybe he won't. The point being that I feel like even my best may not be enough. And I have no way of knowing. I'm just supposed to keep doing it.

Thankfulness: day 3

2009-11-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for my youngest son. For one, his health, as he was born premature and not so healthy. However, asside from his small size, you wouldn't know it now. But I also love what a joyous spirit he has, and how amusingly literal he can be. And I love how sometimes very complex-beyond-his-years thoughts sometimes tumble out of his mouth, and then he goes back to being his usual silly, goofy self. I love my little son with all my heart.

Thankfulness: day 2

2009-11-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for my husband, who stands behind my decisions and is *always* ok with me taking some time to myself. I know I deserve the time, but he supports me much more than I ever hoped for. And with the stress that we are going through with my work (or lack thereof), I'm particularly thankful that we've managed to come together on it, rather than let it wedge us apart. I'm still scared shitless, but at least I'm not facing my fear alone.

Gratitude

2009-11-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

Many of my facebook friends are writing daily statements of gratitude on facebook. I prefer to take a more anonymous face (even though some people I know personally read this blog, it still overall feels more anonymous), plus sometimes I'd like to write more than I would on a facebook status update. I've been feeling in a funk lately...worried about my job situation, depressed about being stuck in Arizona, and missing my family. While I feel like I'm justified in having these feelings, I also know that the negative thoughts are becoming too prevalent, and that is not healthy. Not only that, I am one who believes that negativity, even just in thought, can actually work against a person. I sometimes have trouble shutting off my thoughts and feelings, but I think replacing them will work better than simply trying to remove them.

So my goal is to write something I'm thankful about every day, starting with today up until and including Thanksgiving day.

I am thankful for my oldest son's sweet soul. Sometimes it causes him pain, because he tries so hard to do nice things for people, but he doesn't yet understand the art of taking into consideration what other people actually want. Case in point: today he got up and made pancakes for the family. Since the kids are out of school, my husband and I wanted to sleep in. My younger son doesn't really care that much for pancakes, plus he wanted to use his newfound cooking skills to make himself a bowl of oatmeal. And I was up nearly-but-not-quite puking half the night, so I just wasn't up for food yet (I may venture out and have a cup of herbal tea in a bit). So pancake-boy's feelings were hurt. I feel bad for him and hope that he doesn't learn to just shut that part of himself off. I really don't think he will...it's an integral part of him that has shown itself from a very young age. People tell me all the time how it shows what great parents he has and while my ego would like to agree, if I am honest with myself I know that this is really just who he is. Yes, we can (and try to) do our part to nurture it, but this really is just part of the beautiful person that my son is. And it's one of the many things I love him for.

Pain

2009-10-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'd really like to rip my female parts out right now, since they feel like that's what's being done to them, anyway.

*puts "hysterectomy" at the top of her Christmas wish list*

What in the world was I thinking?

2009-10-19T07:46:00.003-07:00

Do you ever find yourself going down a particular track in life, and suddenly wake up and wonder what the hell it is you're doing?

I just had that happen to me. You see, twice within 2 weeks I had 2 separate friends (who don't know each other) approach me with a business opportunity. They were different opportunities (one is specifically travel related, the other is retail product related), but both are essentially MLMs (one claims not to be, and maybe by some technicality they are not, but the idea is very similar).

Now I don't think either of these are scams. I think they have some good products to offer and I do think the structures are set up such that the potential for making some money with them is there. Especially if you are not looking at it as a "get rich quick" scheme (which I'm not, and they weren't claiming to be). However, for me, there are a couple of problems:

1) I wouldn't use a lot of the products that are offered. The travel one offers some really cool vacations at awesome prices, and while I'd love to participate, traveling with children in school and while trying to hold down a full-time job is not the easiest thing. Plus, I'm pretty sure none of the packages include the travel itself, which for a family of 4, is often enough to prohibit an entire vacation, even if it were free.

The retail opportunity had some good products, but I personally wouldn't use most of them. As an example, they have a great laundry detergent, eco-friendly, for a great price. But I use soap nuts. They have cleaners, but I use baking soda & vinegar. You see what I mean? Hair care products, cosmetics, pet products, the list goes on and on, but I think I may just be too frugal to be a salesperson. And I can't even begin to try to sell things that I don't really use. Which brings me to the second problem.

2) I am not a sales person. When I was in 2nd grade, I had to sell tickets to a pancake supper we were doing for a fundraiser. I was sure people would buy tickets from me, because it was cheap, no one wants to say no to a kid, and who doesn't like pancakes? So off I went (still a little nervous) to our nextdoor neighbor, timidly knocked on the door, and asked if they would like to buy tickets. They told me no, because they were going to be out of town that weekend. I ran home and that was the end of pancake supper ticket sales. I sold some girl scout cookies a few years later, but those pretty much sell themselves, and even then, I hated every minute of it.

So today, I'm going to call the people I've been talking to and let them know I won't be pursuing this opportunity. One won't be so bad; they just brought me to a meeting they were going to anyway, and stressed that it was fine if I didn't want to do it. The other friend I feel bad about because I've actually spent a fair amount of time meeting with him and his business associate. I feel like I've wasted their time and I feel bad about it. But, it will only get worse if I don't put a stop to it. I'd love to have another income, but this will not be it.

Oregon bound

2009-10-15T08:48:00.003-07:00

You know what I think? I think there's never a perfect time to implement a life-changing decision. There will never be enough time or enough money, the kids won't be the perfect age or in the perfect stage of school.

If you wait for the perfect time, then you'll never get to do anything.

So now, when I have no job offer, am currently working a job that is 2.5 months behind on paying me, am literally living off of my credit cards, have kids who are happy in school and right in the middle of the school year...

...I'm going to move to Oregon. I'm not saying I'm packing up the moving truck tomorrow. I do have a job *prospect* (which means I interviewed with a company who loves me and wants to hire me, but is having to delay hiring for a currently unknown amount of time). I may have to go myself, first. The kids may not get enrolled in the school we want them in (here if we move to Eugene, or here if we move to Portland) right away. We may even move while I don't have a job (which, my whole life, has qualified up there in the top ten list of Scariest Things In The World).

I will not spend another summer in the desert.
I will not spend another October sweating in summer temperatures when I should be thinking about fall and soup and warm crockpotty things
I will not spend another Christmas feeling like I don't want to cook because it's too hot.
I will be somewhere that is green and beautiful and supports nature.
I will be somewhere where I don't get cabin fever in the summer time.
I will be somewhere where I can garden without having to fight the very environment I'm trying to grow things in.
I will be within somewhat reasonable driving distance of my best friend.
I will be somewhere where I can feel happy, where I feel like I can breathe, where I feel at home, where I feel that feeling of a weight being lifted off of me that I always feel when I'm in the forest.

By next summer, I will be living in Oregon.

Some days you win, some days...not so much

2009-08-12T23:26:00.003-07:00

Today was frustrating. Jim's brother is in town from Seattle, and he wanted to spend some time with the boys while he's here. This is the first time I've seen him show that much interest in them. I don't mean this in a negative way, I just think that he's a little bit intimidated by younger kids. Now the boys are old enough to play with. The original plan was to take them to Sunsplash. He & Jim bought tickets online, but when they got there, they found that it was closed except on weekends (presumably because most kids have started school already, although my boys don't start until next week. Thank God, it's barely August, for Pete's sake! But I digress...). So they took the boys to the free Tempe splash area for about an hour, then dropped by the house to change clothes and head out to Bahama Buck's. Afterwards, they headed out to go bowling. The original plan was to go a little later in the day (on another day) and I would go along, too. I was even strongly considering cutting out of work a little early this time, but probably half an hour before I would have left, I got The Email.

The Email asked me and some other to submit our MRs (basically software bug fixes) to be built later today for our client. Which would have been find except, well, I still have more work to do and I kinda sorta forgot. Maybe forgot isn't the exact word. I've been trying to work on two projects at once, and I just don't seem to multitask at work as well as I used to. I don't know if it's me, or that the work I'm doing doesn't lend itself as well to task switching, but the end result was that I didn't get it done. I had done the work initially, but then found some problems in test and hadn't gone back and fixed them.

So I talked to my manager about it (he was cool) and we agreed that I'd finish up today, tomorrow at the latest. And I delved into it and found that I have no freaking clue how this software has ever worked. I'm seeing problems way beyond the code I changed and now I've got to backtrack who knows how far back to find out what the problem is.

So I decided I'd work on it after dinner, and off I went to make baked chicken & bacon/rosemary risotto. Since one of our guests tonight (did I mention we were having people over? Yeah, we were. And I had taken food out of the freezer that we would never eat before we go camping this weekend, so I didn't want to just get takeout and waste the food) has diabetes, I decided to use brown arborio to make the risotto. I knew it would take longer, but holy hell, I had no idea how long. I think I started cutting the veggies at 5:15, had everything in the pot around 5:45 (this took a while because I had forgotten to thaw the bacon...yeah, you can see how this is going). That risotto wasn't done until 7:30. Yep, that's right. An hour and 45 minutes spent standing over the hot stove, stirring, knowing that everyone is starving and my kids are cranky because they've been out and about and over-sugared today.

On the up side, the risotto *was* good. The chicken was...ok. I don't know what my deal is with chicken, but it usually seems to come out either bland, dry, or both. This time it wasn't dry, but it *was* bland, in spite of the seasonings I had smothered it in . Oh, well, at least there was risotto. And bacon. The kids were practically falling asleep at the table, but didn't want to give up on eating. I had to make them leave, which was yet another fiasco (particularly with Nathan). I knew he was just overtired so I tried to ignore his wails, but boy, was it hard. When he gets like that, he just can't stop and I know this about him, but it's so hard to listen to. I left in his bed sobbing quietly (but on a good note on my part, with lots of love and hugs and understanding). Good parenting moment for me (for once), but still a sucky experience.

Then we sat down to watch Gran Turino. I had already seen it at my dad's house, and I was glad, because that meant I could doze in and out of the movie and still know what was going on. That's exactly what I did.

I hope tomorrow goes smoother with the software bug finding, and with the kids at meal and bed time.

On friends and powers beyond our control

2009-08-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met someone who, from the very start, you just really connected with?

That's how it was with my husband. When we met, he lived in Arizona and I in Texas, but we were on vacation in Colorado. We hardly spoke...a mutual friend (who I also met quite by accident there) introduced us. I thought he was cute, I guess he liked my smile, but I was shy and he was involved with someone else and it didn't go any farther than that.

A few months later he tracked down my phone number and called me. My dad answered the phone, but I *knew* it was him. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't believe he had actually called. We talked for a bit, but then we mostly wrote letters. Long distance wasn't cheap and we were both students, so lengthy phone calls weren't an option. We "dated" via snail mail...got to know each other and as crazy as it sounded, I felt myself falling in love with the man behind the paper. A few months later we met in person for the first time. I worried that the chemistry wouldn't be there, or that he would think I was ugly, or something. But when he showed up at the door, it was like that final piece of the puzzle fell into place. A couple of months later we met again, and got engaged. And the rest is history.

Now, I have met friends in just as unlikely of a manner, and feel just as strong of a bond with them (although not in a romantic sense). I wrote before about my World of Warcraft friend. They visited in March, and the visit went fabulously. Everyone got along beautifully, better than I could have ever expected. I wondered what Henry would think about this weird group of gamers, or if he and Jim would get along. I wondered if their son, Matt, would think we were a boring group of dorks. As it turned out, I think we bonded really closely in a really short period of time. It just felt so easy with them, like we had all known each other forever. No pretenses, no awkward moments, no feeling of having to hold back or worry if someone was going to offend anyone. No feeling of "this has been nice, but I'll be ready to have the house back to ourselves when they leave". No "well I love her, but her husband is a little off". I truly love the whole family with all my heart and feel completely at ease with all of them, and I think we were all sad when it was time for them to go. I knew the week would fly by, but I had no idea the emptiness I would feel after they were gone. I hadn't felt like this since Jim and I were dating long distance and had to be apart. I spent hours mooning over the pictures of our trip and reminiscing. What the heck was wrong with me?

I talked to Dawn about it, and she felt the same way, too. *Whew*, at least I'm not the only crazy one! I wanted for us all to go out and visit them during the summer, but my job has been too sketchy for me to commit the finances. However Dawn couldn't stand it and offered to fly me out. I felt bad after they had just paid to come down here, but then I thought that if the tables were switched, I'd do the exact same thing. How could I refuse? So I just got back from spending a fabulous week with them. As I told Dawn, just when I thought I couldn't feel any closer to them, I do. They treated me like royalty and while the camping and sightseeing were absolutely spectacular, I have to say that the very best part of all, by far, was spending time with them. I feel kind of crazy saying it, but it just feels like we were meant to be together. I feel guilty that I can't say that about my friends here, some of whom I've known for 15 or 20 years. I didn't even realize it, but Dawn and Henry (and Jim) are the only people who I don't feel like I have to hold anything back from. They accept me completely for who I am, and don't judge me when my opinions differ from theirs. I can only hope that I've conveyed the same sort of feeling to them, because that's exactly how I feel. I love them with all my heart and feel like something is missing when I'm away from them. As much as I love and missed Jim and the boys, leaving their house to come home was truly one of the hardest things I've ever done. And here I am, yet again, mooning over pictures from our visit, reveling in the wonderful memories.

So now I'm trying very hard to plan a visit to their house (for the whole family) at Christmas time. My job is still up in the air so finances are still an issue. But I really, really want to make it work (and am probably willing to be more risky about it than Jim is, and than I normally would be for anything else). That's how much they mean to me. Aside from Jim, Dawn is my best friend in the world. I certainly didn't mean to become best friends with people who live 1500 miles away, in another country, even. But just as I felt when Jim had our long distance relationship, I wouldn't do it any differently. I'd like to be closer and hope to make that happen some day, but until then our friendship will remain strong from right where we are.

Anniversary

2009-06-12T12:12:00.003-07:00

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. Our finances are kind of crap, so we didn't get gifts for each other. Ok, we are weird about gifts, anyway. Usually we kind of pick out our own gifts. We're so laid back about this sort of thing. We're also both techi-geek types and are very particular about what we want. I know that I won't pick out the right thing for my husband, and he knows the same about me. I think the closest he came to buying a gift for our anniversary one year was to tell me "I know you want a GPS, so tell me which one you want". I ended up finding some screaming deals (and I do mean screaming...to the tune of over $100) and ordering it myself. But it still felt like a gift to me, like I had permission to buy it. Permission is probably the wrong word. We don't withhold money from each other. We just discuss purchases and whether we think we can afford them. I probably hold a little bit more of the decision making power because I do the books and I have the primary income. Not having the primary income gives me more "rights" over our money, I just have a better idea of what's coming in is all. Maybe power isn't the right word. More like responsibility.

Anyway, to my husband's credit, he wanted to get me either an MP3 player, an upgraded GPS, or a digital SLR camera this year, all of which are things that I really want (GPS is last on my list just because what I have is a perfectly good one. There are newer ones with more bells and whistles with respect to geocaching, but the one I have now is perfectly good and was even considered top of the line when I bought it 3 years ago). In fact, his plan was to hold back some of his checks from his freelance work (which he usually doesn't do) and buy one of these things for me. But finances are weird right now (long story), so that didn't happen.

What we *did* do was go out for a date night. We don't do this often enough. Not because we don't want to, and not because we're afraid to leave the kids. It's because we are horrible planners. If it weren't for a standing invitation every Tuesday night for a particular couple to come over, and for seeing people through the kids' school activities, I wonder if we would ever see anyone. We have people who will babysit, for free even, but it doesn't work to say "can we drop the kids off, like, now? Because we just decided we want to go out. So can we rearrange your entire evening for you? Thanks."

Anyway, my mother-in-law offered to have the kids over for a sleepover for our anniversary. So I left work a little early and we dropped them off in time to catch an early movie. I knew if we waited until later, I'd fall asleep during the movie. You see, I can't watch any form of screen in the complete dark because I will get sleepy. The contrast of the bright screen with the surrounding darkness makes me feel a bit squinty, and it never quite goes away. The more tired I am, the more likely that squint will turn into closed eyelids. And I'm not a late night person to begin with. If you spend much time with me at evening gatherings, you will eventually find me sacked out in a chair in the corner.

Being the big kids that we are, we saw the movie "UP" in 3D. It was cute, well done, and even a little bit romantic in parts. And sad in parts (I actually cried at one part; I'm such a sap). Then we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. I didn't have any "adult beverages" or dessert. I just wasn't in the mood. I did splurge on an iced tea, something I haven't been doing lately, because it is so overpriced for what you get ($3.50 for a few glasses of tea? Seriously.). But I *was* in the mood for the tea, so that's what I got. I also had lamb chops with cabernet sauce (mmmmmmm), a loaded baked potato, and seasonal veggies. Well, I was supposed to have the seasonal veggies with my meal, but they never brought them. I forgot about them until I was leaving the restaurant, stuffed, and realizing that I probably wouldn't reheat them if I brought them home, anyway. Anyway, my meal was delicious.

Jim had a ribeye steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and a baked potato (yes, double potatoes). His was all delicious, too.

Afterwards, we came home and watched the final episode of Legend of the Seeker that was on the DVR. And then we went to bed, just like the old married couple that we are. It was a wonderful evening. :)

Ugh

2009-05-29T08:14:00.003-07:00

Sad...that I didn't get to be at home for my kids' early childhood, and that I don't get to be home for their summers. Yes, I work from home, but I'm holed away in my office where I really don't get to see them.

Tired...of the hot, dusty summers. I hate the heat, especially when there is SEVEN MONTHS of it, and I hate dust. I really do hate it here.

Depressed...that my job is so uncertain, but even more important and frightening, that I can't seem to get motivated to look for another job.

What I really want: to be a stay at home mom. To volunteer at my kids' school, or homeschool my kids (in a very interactive, make sure they are involved in activities with other kids sort of way, not a reclusive sort of way). To grow our own food. To be nearer my parents. To be somewhere cooler and more green. Some of these things are mutually exclusive, I know, but I can't even seem to get one thing right at this point.

I feel so beaten down right now, I don't even know how to move. I know I'm the one who has to change my life, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do.

Curry

2009-05-27T16:09:00.006-07:00

I love Indian food/curry, but have never known how to make it. Several years ago I spent hours researching recipes, bought all sorts of ingredients I knew nothing about, and slaved away in the kitchen in an attempt to reproduce one of my favorite Indian restaurant dishes: palak paneer. What I came out with was the most bland, tasteless thing on the planet. Being unfamiliar with the spices, I had no idea what to do to correct it. We opted to go out, and that meal has gone down in history as my Worst Meal Ever. Seriously. And I've been afraid to try it again.

Then a few months ago, we invited Leaner to our house for burgers. I asked her to bring a side dish, and she brought a curry with cauliflower, potatoes, and green peas. I've never been much of a cauliflower or green pea fan, but in the interest of being polite, I took a small portion. And oh. my. god. That was the best stuff, ever. I didn't even know I was eating usually-hated vegetables. I seriously could have eaten the whole pot of the stuff. She was gracious enough to give me her recipe, and told me that garam masala is the secret ingredient (and was even nice enough to pick some up for me from the market she buys it at....nice, wasn't she?). I haven't made that exact recipe, in fact I'm embarrassed to admit that the first time I used it was a trashy eats rendition of ramen noodles I threw together for lunch one day (but they were yummy ramen noodles :) ). However today I was trying to figure out a way to use some quinoa I've been wanting to try, and it occured to me to try the curry again. And it was *delicious*.

You'll have to bear with me here because I don't really measure, so all amounts are approximate

Curried Potatoes & Spinach with Quinoa
- Enough cooked quinoa for the number of people you want to serve; about 1/4-1/3 cup dried quinoa per person
- diced potato; about 1 small per person
- chopped fresh spinach (you could probably use frozen); about 1.5 cups per person
- chopped nuts (optional)
- olive oil
- salt
- onion, diced (I used dehydrated minced because my onion turned out to be rotten on the inside) about 1/4 onion per person
- garlic, 1-2 cloves per person (I love garlic), minced
- garam masala
- broth (I used chicken, but you could also use veggie)
- goat cheese or yogurt for topping (optional)

Cook the quinoa, 2 to 1 ration of water to quinoa. Cook it like rice (covered); it will take about 20 minutes once it starts to boil. Be sure and rinse the quinoa thoroughly in a fine sieve before cooking to rinse the natural saponin coating off (the saponin gives it an unpleasant bitter flavor).

Sautee the onions and diced potatoes in olive oil. Cover with a lid to help the potatoes steam a bit. After about 5 minutes, sprinkle about a spoonful per person of garam masala add in the minced garlic, salt to taste, and stir to combine. Add in enough broth to cover the pan. You don't want a real brothy sauce, the broth is just to give the dish a little moisture. Cover.

When the potatoes are almost done (about 10 minutes later) add in the chopped spinach and nuts. Stir to combine and cover to allow the spinach to steam about (about 3 minutes).

Here is what it looked like when I added the spinach in:

Once the spinach is wilted, serve over the quinoa. I've discovered that I love goat cheese combined with curry, so I crumbled some of that on top. Yogurt would also work well, or you can skip them both.

After the spinach has wilted; this is ready to serve:

If you like heat you could add in some diced peppers with the onions, or fresh on top as a garnish.

Here it is plated up. Unfortunately my camera flash tends to wash things out when I take close up shots.

Rain

2009-05-21T19:14:00.002-07:00

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter patter
goes the rain outside. The open doors allow the cool rain-scented air to permeate the house. I know it is short-lived, that soon we will be back to the punishing, scorching desert heat.

But for now, I enjoy the clouds and the rain.

Coffee!

2009-05-16T09:48:00.006-07:00

I'm a bit of a snob about coffee. Perhaps it is because I've always had *good* coffee. When I first started drinking it, I, as usual, was trying to emulate my dad. Of course I only drank it black. That's how my dad drank it and it just wouldn't do to drink "wuss coffee". I thought it tasted vile, but I drank it anyway. And I grew to like it. I loved the smell, the way the warm mug (must be a ceramic/glass mug, never plastic!) felt in my hands, and the way the flavors swirled on my tongue.

When I was 16 or so, I went to work in an office where they had regular ole Folger's coffee. It smelled good and I thought "it can't be that bad". But, oh, let me tell you, it was. It was a small office, just me and the accountant I worked for. He was a very nice man and after saying I was a coffee drinker, I couldn't bring myself to tell him his coffee, well, sucked. But I could hardly stomach it, so I drank it with cream. That tempered the nasty edge the coffee had. I never drank my coffee with sugar. I've tried it, but I just don't like the taste of it.

Now I like my coffee, even my *good* coffee, with cream. Usually at home I just use milk, but occasionally I'll treat myself to cream or half and half. During the work week, I drink it from a sturdy mug. But on the weekends, I like to use a dainty little cup Jim bought for me at a school auction. It makes me feel like I'm treating myself. It's pretty and girly, which is usually not me, but I like it.

Unfortunately, this is an example of why I'm not a photographer...the color washed out a bit too much. Maybe it's also an example of why I need a better camera (or at least one with more adjustments on it).

Don't those beans look gorgeous? I love a good, dark roasted coffee. I also try to find organic coffee, because most conventional coffee is treated with pesticides. I don't really want to drink bug spray with my coffee. That just doesn't sound good, and it can't be healthy.

My friend Dawn recently visited me from Canada. She works in a coffee shop there, and brought me a bag of the coffee that they brew there. She chose one of their darkest roasts, because she knows that I like that. And oh, that stuff is heaven. So now, not only am I a coffee snob, I'm addicted to a local *Canadian* coffee. Thankfully, Dawn was kind enough to order a case of it for me (at wholesale cost!) and send it to me. Not very carbon footprint-friendly, but I couldn't resist. I just *love* this coffee!

It's from Kootenay Coffee Company, in Nelson, B.C. It smells delicious (the postman said he didn't even want to deliver it to me because it made his truck smell so good), and it tastes delicious. And I just love to say the word "Kootenay". Kootenay, Kootenay, Kootenay!

It's Friday

2009-05-15T17:12:00.003-07:00

I have a big case of TGIF. I'm feeling very stressed and drained right now, and am really looking forward to vegging this weekend. My biggest goal is to play WoW all day tomorrow. Pretty pathetic, I know, but I need the time to decompress.

Sunday I'll do my usual grocery shopping at the farmer's market & Trader Joe's. I usually go every Sunday morning...I go to the farmer's market first, and then get whatever I couldn't find at TJ's (and Sunflower Market, if I need things from there). I didn't go last week because it was Mother's Day and for my day I chose not to have to go out into the heat. It was nice, but I will be glad to get back into my routine. Our eating this week has been thrown off a bit because of it. Jim went shopping for me on Monday or Tuesday, which was awesome, but there are some things I just need to be able to look at and decide on myself.

Oh, and I'll be doing laundry this weekend, as usual. I've stopped using the dryer to save on money and to try to eek more life out of the old one we have, which means I have to stay on top of the laundry because I'm using a drying rack that only holds one load at a time. So I can't let the laundry pile up and do it all in one day like I used to. But I really don't mind. Jim does the folding, which is the part I really hate. I actually sort of enjoy the quiet time outside when I'm hanging or removing the clothes (as long as I do it early in the morning or late at night, when it's not too hot).

Sunday is my mother-in-law's birthday. We did not go see her for Mother's Day (although Jim did take her to see Star Trek on Monday night). I felt sort of guilty about this, but it was my day too, and I don't really like going over to her house. She smokes, and so the whole house smells like smoke. It gets in my nose and hair and I can always smell it even after I leave until I take a shower again. It irritates my eyes, ears, and throat and I just don't like being over there. Plus she tends to have the TV on a lot, which I dislike. I hate having constant noise on. I'm not anti-TV by any means; I do have shows that I watch. But I don't like having it on all the time.

But I do feel like we should do something for her birthday. I'd actually like to make her dinner, as she has done for us so many times. I'd really rather make it at home, as I don't like cooking in her kitchen (nothing against her kitchen, it's just not mine; plus I'd have to haul everything over, and I'd invariably forget something). I'd like to make some salmon, rosemary risotto, and a salad. I wonder if she'd want to come over for that. She doesn't really like to leave her house any more than I like to leave mine, so it's a toss-up whether that would be at treat for her or not. I will ask Jim and see what he thinks.

Tonight is our weekly game night with the kids. We used to play board games, but we've sort of let it turn into Wii night. I'm not sure how I feel about that. They do enjoy the Wii, and we don't let them play it much at other times because we don't like them to spend a lot of time in front of the TV for entertainment. We prefer that they spend their time in actual play. And they are pretty good about it. But on the other hand, it feels a little bit less like together time when we play the Wii than it did when we played board games. I'm still figuring it out, but for now at least we'll keep it like it is.

Oh, and dinner. I had planned on making chile con queso & beans (something the boys love) for dinner, but we may be going out. The cheese sauce and beans I had portioned away aren't thawed because I forgot to set them out until a couple of hours ago, and I feel kind of brain dead, anyway. I could use some time out. So I guess I'd better get off of here and talk to hubby about dinner.

New Tooth!

2009-05-14T19:24:00.007-07:00

I've been posting some downers lately, so thought I'd focus on something positive. :)

Yesterday Nathan lost his first tooth! A few days ago he bit into something and cried out in pain. I looked, and his one of his bottom front teeth was quite loose. He's been avoiding chewing with that part of his mouth since then. Then last night he and Michael were eating (we usually eat dinner together, but I was having a bad day and didn't get it together to prepare a meal, so they were eating easy stuff) and I noticed them both hunting around on the floor for something. Turns out his tooth came out while he was eating. He didn't feel it anywhere, he just noticed it was gone. I told him he probably swallowed it (it was a little *tiny* tooth) and he immediately started bawling. I quickly recovered, telling him that if he left a note for the tooth fairy, she could look for it, because she's magic (more on just how magical she is in a minute). So I helped him write a note, he signed his name, and then he wanted me to add a request for what color his gem would be (again, more on that in a minute).

After the boys were in jammies, teeth brushed, and read to, we all congregated in their bedroom for a small ceremony. I turned out all the lights, lit a candle, and read a special poem. You see, in our house, the tooth fairy doesn't leave money. Something as dainty and magical as a fairy just doesn't carry around dollar bills, you know? Instead, she brings a gem:

This night it is a special night
As fairies dance upon the roof.
All the fairies must alight,
For Nathan just lost a tooth!

The Fairy Queen gives her commands-
Twelve bright fairies must join hands
Then together in a circle stands
To guard Nathan while he sleeps.

The Tooth Fairy into the circle leaps
The hidden tooth she takes
Ah, but has far to go
Before Nathan awakes.

Three times around the world she flies
Over valleys deep and mountains high;
Skirts the storm clouds thick with thunder,
Wings over waves all wild with wonder.

Deep within their earthly homes
Finally she finds the gnomes,
Who upon the tooth must work
Never once their duty shirk.

Some are hammering, hammering, hammering,
Some the bellows blow
Others sweat at the sweltering forge
And then cry out, "Heigh Ho!"

The tooth's been turned to a shining stone,
A glimmering, glowing gem
The tooth Fairy takes the gnomes' good gift,
And bows (curtsies) to all of them.
Before the sun's first rays are shown,
She returns to Nathans bed,
And then - - - away she's flown!

My son's teacher

2009-05-14T17:03:00.003-07:00

Ok, so the thing that I was so devastated about yesterday is that I found out my son's teacher may not be hired back next year. My son goes to a "Waldorf-inspired" charter school, and one of the unique things about this school is that the teacher follows the children for the 1st through 8th grades. 1st grade is kind of a funny year because it is the first year where the children have to, you know, sit down and do stuff (in kindergarten participation is encouraged, but not so forced as long as the child is not being out and out disruptive). So there is always a transition period for the children while they get used to the longer day and the new format. Add to this the fact that this was the teacher's first year teaching, and they had quite a learning curve ahead of them.

The first of the year I think may have been a bit chaotic. I think there were some children that had a hard time settling down. I know my son was bored with the drawing material (he's a talented drawer, so this didn't surprise me), and acted out because of it. The teacher was very gentle with him about it, we all sat down and talked. Michael learned that he needed to grow up a little and just deal with it, and the teacher did come up with some new things for him to do. So it all worked out. As we near the end of the year, I feel like the class has really hit it's pace. My son seems to be really excited about school again. I was very excited about next year. I talked with the teacher a few weeks back and he was telling me about some of his plans for the following year. I was really excited about the upcoming years, and felt lucky to have this new, fresh, excited teacher who seems to really care about the kids and want to just keep getting better. I'd much rather have someone like that, who makes some mistakes along the way, than someone who may be more polished overall, but is stagnate.

And then yesterday I found out that his contract most likely will not be renewed. I won't go into details because I'm not sure how much of what I know is supposed to be public knowledge. I will just say that I am about 99% certain that politics are involved. Which really pisses me off, because not only is he getting a raw deal, but the kids suffer. I am dreading telling my son that he won't have this teacher next year (I think maybe his teacher will tell him, but what I really dread is him having to find out, no matter the source). I know he was really excited about continuing on with him. The class is working on a play right now, and they are all excited about it, but for me it is so bittersweet. I have literally been in tears off and on since last night; last night I had to drink a triple shot of Scotch (something I rarely do) just to get myself drowsy enough to let sleep take over the churning that was going on in my mind. And then when I woke up, it was the first thing that popped into my head, immediately followed by this knot in the pit of my stomach.

I don't get to talk to the other parents very much, but Jim does. He hasn't heard any complaints about the teacher. And I know of at least one family who feels the same way that we do about it. I really hate politics and crap. I feel like there is something I should be doing. I feel like I should fight. I'm not a confrontational person, but this is big, and it involves people I care about. I care about this teacher as both a teacher, and as a friend. And obviously I care about my son. I just don't know what I can do, or at least what I can do that will make a difference.

The Phone

2009-05-14T09:52:00.002-07:00

Did you know that I hate the phone? Well, I do. When I was a little girl, I was actually scared to talk on the phone. I have no idea why. I remember the feeling, but I don't remember what I was afraid of, exactly. My parents would make me place phone calls in an attempt to get over this fear. I specifically remember one occasion where I wanted to go somewhere, and they told me I needed to call and make sure the place was open. My response? "Never mind, I don't want to go."

I'm not anywhere near that pathetic now. My first job out of college was working in the IT department for Motorola, which meant that I had to take lots of phone calls, so I got over any lingering fear of the phone pretty quickly. And now I telecommute full time, so I have to use the phone. I'm ok with it, but I still don't like it. I'd much rather use email or instant messaging.

I've been trying to figure out why that is. I think it's because I like to think things through before responding. When I'm on the phone, I feel put on the spot, and I don't like that. This really only applies to business type decisions. But I don't really like talking on the phone with my friends, either. Being a female, this is kind of weird. It's like, I have a mutant gene or something. I'm supposed to like talking on the phone. I don't feel put on the spot with my friends, per se. I think it's just that I'm not a particularly chatty person. Hmmm, that's not always true. I can sit and talk to some people forever. But sometimes I don't have anything left to say. Or just don't feel like talking. When I'm sitting with someone, small silences aren't weird. But they are awkward on the phone. I also don't know how to end the phone call. I feel like I have to have some acceptable reason to get off the phone. So I find myself looking for something, like "I need to make dinner" or "I need to put the kids to bed". If I don't have something like that going on, I panic, because then I don't know what to say besides "I'm tired of being on here, I want to go". Which feels rude. And it usually has nothing to do with the person on the other end, I'm just ready to be off.

I guess I'm just not a very verbal person. Maybe that's it.

Upset

2009-05-13T20:38:00.003-07:00

I just found out some news that is very devastating to me, and that directly impacts my children.

No, no one died, or is terminally ill, or anything like that. And my children are fine and nothing has happened to them. I can't go into more details right now, but all I can say is I'm angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, and scared. I feel sick inside and can't wait until I go to sleep, because that's the only possible way I can think of to escape how I feel right now.

Job Hunting

2009-04-30T14:46:00.000-07:00

First off, I already know that I'm only guaranteed about 20-30% of my normal salary for the month of April. Yep, you read that right. My company is in huge financial trouble. Basically we're trying to get our product done and sold to what I think are some very good potential markets in the October timeframe. Only thing is, some of us (like, ahem, me) need money *now* to pay our bills, buy groceries, etc. I can handle 25-30% paycut, but 70-80 just doesn't work. That doesn't even pay our basic bills (and I've already paired down everything...keeping certain things because breaking the contracts would cost us enough that cancelling the service is pointless; plus it increases our immediate expenses which is the opposite of what I need to do). Our owner keeps saying he's going to secure investment funds, but I haven't seen that come to fruition, and I"m not sure it's going to. We do have an outstanding payment from a client that will bump us up to the 50% mark, but that still does nothing for the upcoming months.

Bottom line is I need to find another job. And I don't trust our owner. I think he's just hoping he can keep things going long enough to get this product out. Why he bought us at the end of last year when he didn't have enough funds to see us through a year is beyond me. He owes the company he purchased us from a considerable amount of money. I just think it will be a miracle if this thing takes off. And I don't have the personal funds to make it through this. I spent up all of my savings (which wasn't as much as it should have been) when I was laid off *last* year. My home equity line of credit just got revoked for no reason, considering what I owe + the credit limit was still way less than the house is worth, even at today's standards. So right now I've got a couple of thousand plus credit cards. That's it.

My used-to-be-manager/very long-time coworker and friend called me today and told me to spend most of my time job hunting. And that if my current manager starts asking about my assignments, to tell him and he'd figure out a way to ward him off. That's not a very good sign.

I've been submitting resumes, but I'm convinced that they go in bitbuckets. I have strong experience and skills. I have glowing references, although that does nothing if I can't get far enough for people to read them. I'm lacking in some of the newer technologies, although I do have the drive and ability to learn new things as needed. If someone said "here this is in Ruby on Rails" I could go learn it, but I don't have the time to just go learn every technology out there so I can talk about it intelligently in an interview.

So I've resubmitted my resumes on the job boards, based on my suspicion that "new" resumes generate contacts. I think that's where I got contacts for my other job prospects last year. I'm looking at some freelance sites. Toying with the idea of doing websites for people. I have experience with parts of that, but not all of it. I know I could figure it out. I'm not sure how to get those contacts. I'm not a very good salesperson.

Also trying to think of what else I could do, for myself. It used to be that you took risks to work for yourself, at the return of being your own boss, having flexibility, and having the potential to make more money. You worked for companies to get stability and security. Well now companies don't offer that, so what's the point? And the salaries aren't that great anymore, either. How can I compete with engineers who work offshore for $10/hour? I think Jim and I could do personal IT support/repair for people, although again, not sure how to break through to get enough from that to live off of. I'm just out of ideas and feeling so panicked that I can't think enough to make any reasonable decisions. So I sit here and churn and accomplish nothing.

At least I did get my resume updated and resent today. And I did apply for some more jobs.

Kids on Heaven

2009-03-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

"Heaven's just there to make people not be scared of dying."
-Michael, age 8

Crunchy momma rant

2009-02-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a box of formula samples in the mail. Yes, baby formula. Yes, my *youngest* son is 6. I guess they aren't exactly doing focus marketing.

Not because my son is way too old. That didn't piss me off, that just made me laugh at their stupidity. It just make me angry that there is very little support for moms who want to breastfeed, or to encourage moms to breastfeed. I was recently at a party that happened to have a lot of members from La Leche League present. One of the ladies just lost her job as a lactation consultant at the local hospital (where I delivered Michael) because her entire department got cut. This made me sad, but it also made me mad as I thought about it more, because I remembered back to when I had Michael, and not once did anyone mention that there was any kind of help at all with breastfeeding. I had all sorts of formula cans dumped on me, unsolicited mind you, but even though I made it very clear that I very much wanted to breastfeed, not once did anyone say "if you run into any problems there is a lactation team you can talk to". I *do* remember being told that if I chose not to breastfeed, there was a little class I could go to where I could learn how to dry myself up with minimal pain and discomfort. Gee, thanks.

Anyway, receiving these samples just brought it all back to me. I understand that there is no money to be made in promoting breastfeeding, and all sorts of money to be made in promoting formula feeding. And as a big fan of the free market, I get that. And I'm not debating the formula companies' rights to market the way they do. I just think it's unethical, and I hate that. It's not like they wouldn't have a market if they didn't. I mean, WTF, how much money do they need to make?

So, I wrote "return to Sender" on the box. And in big black magic marker I wrote things like "Breastfeeding promotes growth and minimizes illness", "Human milk for human babies", "Support breastfeeding moms". I also responded to comments on the box: "Motherhood rocks, and so do you" (response: "I sure do, I make my own milk!"). "A free gift of nutrition for you baby...inside" (response: "Yep, unlimited supply free, right inside my body!")

I don't feel like there are many people I can tell about it, because most people I know formula fed. And you know, I don't judge them for it. For some people it probably really was the best decision, and for many of them, they just don't have the support and encouragement that they need. I was pretty much a lone island, following the example of my mom who breastfed both my brother and I (something I consider just short of miraculous, especially in my case considering with me she was a 17 year old mom in 1972...the times were certainly not on her side). For whatever reason it's something I've felt very strongly about since I was a child, and it's something that just makes sense to me. I don't believe everyone has that same sense of "what the hell else would you do?" as I do. And that's cool. It just seems that every effort is made as soon as possible to undermine the chance that moms will make that choice. And I hate that.

I know what I did won't do a damn bit of good, but it made me feel better. Rather than send it back, I may even decide to take the formula out of the box and donate it to a local shelter, since that would probably do more good. I did tell my mom about it. She laughed when I told her what I wrote, and then when I started ranting about it she said (sarcastically) "wow, I guess you feel kind of strongly about that". Haha...yeah, I guess I do.

Friends

2009-02-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

So many moons ago, in the hills near Loch Modan, my husband and I met a lady (who looked like a man-elf, but a very handsome man-elf). After a little talking we decided to join forces and slay the evil beasts that roamed the country there. As time went on, we went on many quests together, combating the forces of evil together as our alliance grew into a friendship.

I am, of course, talking about a game. An online game. World of Warcraft, to be exact. The lady's name is Dawn, but she played a male elf character. We met in-game and enjoyed playing together, so added each other to one another's "friends" list. And as we played we chatted (online) and learned that we have a lot of common interests. We're near the same age. We have similar senses of humor. Sometimes we would log onto the game and just chat without really playing at all. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and addresses, and from that texts and Christmas gifts. A friendship born out of a silly online game.

And next month, Dawn and her family (husband and son) are coming all the way from Canada to visit us for a week. It started out in a chat conversation between her and I, where we referred vaguely to "if we get to meet each other some day". Next thing we know, she's checking out airline ticket prices and hoping her husband is game. Turned out he was, she found some deals, and we're set to have visitors!

Now we just have to get the house ready. I'm excited because our add-on family room has been unusable for a while (read: full of junk). The A/C ventilation in there doesn't work very well, so we stopped using the room. But since we don't have a guest room, we want Dawn & Henry to at least be able to have a little privacy; if this room is ready they will be at the back of the house and we can hang up a curtain to give them some privacy. And we'll have more room to hang out, too, since the living room in the front we've been using gets crowded pretty quickly. So Jim is working on getting it ready. Which means, not only do we get to have a really fun visit, but when it's over we'll have more house. How cool is that?

I'm totally stoked about this visit. I seriously cannot wait. I little bitty tiny part of me is worried that things will be weird. What if we don't click? What if it's awkward? But you know, I really, really don't think it's going to be that way. I mean, I'd be absolutely amazed if it did. I think we're going to get to the end of the week and wonder how the time went by so quickly. So I guess we'll just have to plan our own trip.

How cool is that?

2009-01-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

My older son's 1st grade class gets to help take care of the chickens at school. As a reward, occasionally they get to bring home an egg. Michael brought an egg home a couple of days ago, and today he gets to have it for breakfast. He said it's the best egg he's ever tasted. I buy local, farm-fresh eggs, but they're never *that* fresh. So cool!!!

I did it

2009-01-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

When I got off work, everyone was exhausted (Jim had a rough day, too). We didn't feel like going out. So I scrounged up something. Frozen chicken strips (from Trader Joe's not great, but they're ok), pasta with homemade pesto (me; I needed to make up the pesto or was gonna lose the basil), mac & cheese (Jim & kids), and broccoli (which was gonna rot if I didn't use it soon). I really wasn't in the mood, but I know we got through dinner sooner than we would have otherwise. Plus I saved money and kept food from going to waste. An added bonus is that I now have a huge batch of fresh pesto in the freezer, waiting to use with a nice meal. Woot!

Oh, and I even cleaned up all of the dishes (today, for some reason, must have been Small Appliance day, as I had to clean the juicer, a small crockpot, and the food processor). Now it's time to relax. Ahhhhhh.

one of those days

2009-01-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

Work today was a bitch. We have partially working code that I have to get converted to using a different kind of UI (TreeView replacing a ListView, for anyone who cares). So step 1 (which has taken me for-freaking-ever) is to get all of the ListView stuff that's implemented working in TreeView. Step 2 is to add in all the stuff that wasn't even added in for the initial phase yet.

I was determined to get step 1 done today, just because I'm sick and tired of it looming over my head. I'm close. I have code *written*, and it compiles, but I haven't tested it yet. But at least I have something to work with. This project overall has been taking me way to damn long and I need to get through it.

Now I'm tired and brain dead. After a day like today, I barely have the mental capacity to pour myself a cold one, let alone make dinner (especially since I only have something pseudo-planned). Looks like we'll be getting take-out, even though I really don't have the energy to do that, either. Can't the kids skip dinner for just one day?

You can't always get what you want...

2009-01-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

My dad used to sing this old Stones classic to me when I was a little girl and wanted something that I couldn't have. This used to piss me off immensely, but now I just chuckle.

This post is going to be about me sorting things out "out loud" if you will. Probably a lot of rambling. Feel free to move on, but if you care to read and care to comment, I'd certainly welcome it.

I know I've complained before that I don't like living in Arizona, I miss my parents, and I really want to live in the forest. I know those last two things are mutually exclusive; my parents live in central Texas, not even in the hill country, but on what used to be flat farmland. Compared to here it's a rain forest, but really, I have to admit that living near them would not satisfy my craving to live amongst tall trees. You know, the kind that are so tall that you can hear the wind in the tops of them while the air hardly stirs down below. I *love* that sound.

When I'm in an environment like that, I feel like I'm complete, like some piece of me that is normally missing has locked into place. I yearn to have that feeling all the time, but does that mean that I *need* it?   Probably not...I've never lived in that environment (aside from a short stint in New Caney, Texas, when I was 3-4, which I barely even remember), and I seem to have survived so far. In my more dramatic (read: whiny) moments, I can imagine myself living my life, never fulfilling this dream, and what a tragedy that would be. People could write sad poetry about me and shed tears for the woman whose life dream was never fulfilled. I could die a martyr, sacrificing myself for the wants and needs of my family. Bleh.

And then there's my parents. This desire/need is probably more realistic, certainly something I can ascribe more validity to, although I don't always feel it as strongly. I really, really miss them.  Especially my dad. I get back to visit twice a year if I'm lucky. I could possibly make it more, but what I really miss is being able to drop over for a visit on the weekends. They still work a lot, so when I do go back to visit, I really have to stay a long time to get to spend much time with them. Fortunately, at least for now, I can telecommute from their house almost as well as i can from mine (I do have phone issues, but nothing I can't work around), but there's only so much time I feel comfortable spending away from my children, and that I feel comfortable asking Jim to stick it out alone with the kids with. Sure, he *can* do it, and plenty of people put up with far more (I'm specifically thinking of my friend who has two kids and a husband who is deployed in Iraq).

So, what to do. Jim doesn't really want to move to Texas. I think if I really put my foot down, I could make it happen, anyway. Realistically, he doesn't have a valid reason to say no. I haven't wanted to live here for several years now, so it's only fair that i get a turn to get what I want. But it's hard for me to want to play that card; I'm not generally that assertive and I'm not so sure it would be good for the relationship. And then I have this "live in the forest thing" always hanging around in my head, and lo and behold, he tells me he's willing to try living in the Pacific Northwest. This certainly meets my forest need and is something he says he can live with. The down side is I am no longer a day's drive (and I'm a *long* day's drive now...16 hours minimum) from my parents; far from it, in fact. Plane tickets are increasingly expensive, and to take all 4 of us or even just me and the kids is a substantial expense.

While I was laid off in November, I interviewed for jobs in Seattle. I absolutely loved it there...everything just seemed to be falling into place. I *really* thought I was going to get one of the jobs. And I really don't think it was just a matter of me wanting it (even though I did), everything just felt like it was coming together. Then it didn't work out and I almost felt like the universe was just toying with me at that point. To let me get so close to escape, and then rip it away from me.

But the truth is, it's a terrible time for us to move. Our house isn't ready to sell or rent, and I'm not even sure if we could rent or sell it in this market. We *cannot* afford two house payments. And I'm adamant that my kids go to an alternative school. This is not at all about me getting them away from certain types of people, and all about the fact that I have huge issues with the format and methods of mainstream public education. My point being I don't necessarily want them in a private school, not only because of the expense, but because it almost automatically brings along a certain amount of snootiness for the ride, which I *don't* want. But if my choices were regular mainstream public school or private (a private school that I agree with), I'd do my damndest to get them into private. I've had a strong feeling since Michael was small that I needed to find something for them. And you know, I've found that here in Phoenix. I have them in a public charter Waldorf school. It's not perfect and there are some things I'm not crazy about. But overall I like it. My children seem to be thriving there. There is a wonderful community there. I feel good about sending them there every day. And that is really the huge thing...my other options in location would require (based on my personal requirements) that I pony up and send them to private school. Jim could get more work to pay for it, but it seems silly for him to generate more income just to throw it at a school. We both agreed that if we moved that's what we'd do.

So that's my conundrum. My choices are:
- Texas (Austin): gets me closer to my parents, housing is more affordable, it's possible for me to live some place wooded and beautiful there. But I'd have to do the private school thing.
- Seattle: gives me that whole forest thing I want (need?). I think I can eventually get a job I want there (my current one allows me to telecommute, but I don't know how long it will last, so I have to think ahead). Jim would be happier here. But I'd be further from my parents, and I'd have to do the private school ting.
- Portland: again, gives me that whole forest thing. I could telecommute from there now, but I'm not so sure I could find a suitable job for myself if I needed to (no worse than here in Phoenix; when I looked at the end of last year I wasn't happy with the options, either). Portland *does* have a Waldorf charter school, which is a huge plus and the only reason I'd choose it over Seattle. And again, I'd be much further from my parents.
- Stay here: probably the best decision financially, simply because we don't have to incur a moving expense and/or deal with changing housing. Kids get to stay in the school that they love and that so far we are happy with. Still far away from my parents, but closer than the NW. The real downside here is that I feel smothered and it feels so lifeless here. When I put it down on paper, it just seems like I'm whining. But the feeling is very real, and it's bothered me for years, so I'm not so sure I should just ignore it either. Edited to add:  The other huge thing about staying here is that I have family and a lot of friends here. I know some people in Austin (besides my parents) and Jim has a brother in Seattle, but it would definitely be a huge deal to leave our circle of friends. At times that seems unbearable; at other times I think that I would miss them dearly, but I would also make new friends.

Work

2009-01-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

Some days I have the most difficult time just getting started. Once I get into it, I'm fine. But it's like I need my time tooling around on the internet, accomplishing nothing. Am I really just a slacker, or are other people this way? I always thought I had such a strong work ethic, but I'm beginning to wonder. I've tried setting goals for myself, such as "I will get such-and-such thingie that I'm programming working". The problem is there are a lot of things that could take 1 hour or could take 5, and I don't always know before I start. So then I'm setting unfair goals for myself. I suppose that would be better than setting no goals at all.

100 Things

2009-01-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been a while since I've posted, and I feel totally lame starting back up with this. But I saw it on a friend's blog, and just wanted to do it. And it's my blog, so I can do what I want. Nyah! ;)

Highlight the ones you have done
Come on you know you want to do it too!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort (well, I tried, but there wasn't really enough snow)
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (in a rock gym)
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (I don't remember if it was specifically soup, but I did serve food at a homeless shelter)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter (air evac, when I was in premature labor and bleeding)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (partially; I never finished it)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (with my dad when I was a little kid)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (well, almost; ended up settling out of court, which was fine with me!)
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Easy lunch

2008-07-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly looking for easy lunches I can throw together, especially if it involves using up leftovers. Some days I feel inspired, and other days I can't think of a damn thing, so I'm going to try to start documenting them for future reference. Today I had pinto beans and brown rice that I had cooked earlier (from separate meals). I love beans and rice, but never quite know how to season it. Here's what I did:

- started some diced onions sauteing in a bit of grapeseed oil
- added a couple of small cloves of garlic
- threw in some "Better than Bouillon" chicken base*
- once the onions were done, I deglazed with some of the bean cooking liquid I had reserved (which was completely unseasoned) and then dumped in the cold beans and rice.
- I let the liquid cook down a bit while the beans and rice heated, and then dumped the whole thing in a soup bowl.
- I topped with some fresh green onion, fresh cilantro, some low-sodium soy sauce, and hot chili oil

*Chicken broth would have also been good here, but since I did have broth from cooking the beans and didn't want the rest of the broth carton sitting in the fridge, I opted for the base

F@$king dogs!

2008-06-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

So I got this awesome looking tomato at the farmer's market this weekend. Kinda funky looking, like homegrown tomatoes often are. And it looked *so* good.

So the effing dog decides to grab it off of the counter and eat it. Now I'm not dumb enough to leave something like a plate of meat up on the counter. But a tomato? Who knew?

I'm really pissed about this whole deal with the dogs getting shit off of the counter/table all the time. I'm not sure what to do about it, either, and I don't really have a good way to block them out of the kitchen (aside from blocking them out of the common living area in general, which doesn't work because they get bored/aggravated with being away from us and get into trouble...besides, if I keep them away from us, what's the point of having them?).

Anyway, I'm not as pissed as I was the time Berry grabbed an entire loaf of bread I had just baked off of the counter and hauled it off into his kennel to munch, but I'm close.

Muesli update

2008-06-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today is my third day in a row having muesli for breakfast.

Wednesday I made it that morning with rolled oats, and I didn't soak anything ahead of time. It was tasty, but it did give me some mild digestive issues later.

Wednesday night I covered some rolled oats with apple & lemon juice and soaked them over night. The flavor was still good, but the oats were mushier than I cared for. This didn't surprise me, because I like my regular oatmeal less done than most people (and can hardly stand regular rolled oats for oatmeal...I much prefer steel cut oats because they are chewier).

So last night I tried soaking steel cut oats. They taste good, and still have some chewiness. However I don't think I used enough of them, so the grated apple & dried fruits I added are completely overpowering the oats. Still tasty, but it just tastes like I'm eating fruit and yogurt with a background of tasteless chewiness.

But, at least it's healthier than the egg, potato, bacon, cheese, onion, and bean breakfast taco I was really craving. :)

Vacation!

2008-06-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

I just finalized the booking for our vacation to Vail the first week of September!

Yes, I know that's not ski season. While I'd love to go skiing, it's still difficult for us with the kids. Nathan is only just old enough to try, and not old enough to have endurance. All those ski lessons and child care gets expensive, so we're just not up for a ski vacation as a family just yet. We'll get there, though.

However, Vail is where Jim and I met, around this time of year (a little later). It will be a welcome break from the summer heat, and I'm a forest kind of gal, so I'll be in heaven. Should be plenty of things to keep both us and the kiddies entertained. And with a 700 mile drive, we should be able to get there in one day no problem (seeing as how we've done 1000 miles to Austin, although admittedly there is no mountain pass driving involved there). I've never driven up to Vail from the west side (only from Austin with my family many moons ago), so I'm looking forward to that as well. I can't wait to pack up our little Prius and jet up there!

Now, to finalize my plans to drive with the boys out to Austin this summer...

2008-06-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

1 Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (well, I'v read part of it...I love the story and I want to like it, but it's so hard for me to get through that I've never finished it)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (ok, so I probably haven't read the whole thing, but I read plenty of it during my church years. I never read it now, and have no particular plans to change)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (Hubby says I've read this, although I swear I don't remember it!)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (This one I did read all the way through, but boy was it work!)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams I *hated* this book!!
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery I love the book, but the actress who plays Anne in the movies does such a great job, that I love watching the movies even more.
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert I had to read this in 4th grade, while I was home sick. I *hated* it!!!
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White Only about 4000 times when I was a kid. Even though we were almost strictly a library family, my mom ended up buying me a copy so the other library patrons could have a shot at reading this book :)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery Well, I'm reading it with my son now (the English version)
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Bleh

2008-06-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

Almost a year since I've posted, and that's all I can come up with. I spent the day poring through logs on the test servers at work, trying to get my code to work. I feel like a zombie, like my brain is fried. For some reason I'm in the mood to post, and yet at the same time I'm too brain-dead to come up with anything interesting to say.

Life is good. Hot, but good. Monsoon season already officially started, which is really early. So we'll be dealing with the humid part of the summer earlier than usual (which means I'll have to run the air as opposed to the evap more, which means higher electric bills for this summer...boo). We have clouds over the valley right now, along with a smoky haze in the air due to some lightning-induced fire west of town.

Let's see...the most interesting thing I can think of is that I've recently discovered homemade muesli for breakfast. Soak some rolled oats & chopped nuts/seeds in an acid (I chose unfiltered apple juice with a squeeze of lemon) in the fridge overnight to aid the digestive process; top with yogurt, grated apple, flax meal, and dried fruit the next morning (I like Trader Joe's Golden Berry Blend with golden raisins, cherries, cranberries, & blueberries, although I wish it was organic). Oh, and don't forget the pumpkin pie spice. The oats were a little soggy for my taste (my palate prefers them soaked for only a few minutes, but then you get the digestive problems), so I'm going to try steel cut oats tonight and see if they retain their chewiness a little better. I'm a huge oat fan, but somehow when it's 110 out, I just can't cozy up to a steaming bowl of oatmeal, so this cold version is a nice change for the summer. I also like that I can vary the taste quite a bit by changing up the nuts/seeds, fruit, and soaking liquid. I'm thinking a bit of candied ginger might add a nice zing sometimes.

Michael lost his first tooth!

2007-10-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday we went "camping" with some friends at their friends' cabin. Michael got to wrestling with some of the other boys there and got hit in the mouth. Not hard, but hard enough to knock his tooth out. He cried some, but got over it pretty quickly. The tooth had almost no root on it so I wasn't really worried, but since I didn't think it had been loose, I was still surprised that it came out. I asked him if it had been loose and he said, "oh, yeah, it was loose". Baby, you gotta prepare your sentimental momma for this kind of thing! :)

I found this poem online about the tooth fairy, so late last night, after we got home, unpacked, and got the kids to bed, I went to Wal-mart (yeah, I know, don't go there) and bought some "jewels" so I could leave one in the tooth fairy pillow Michael sewed in kindergarten last year. These jewels conveniently have white streaks in them, so one could imagine that they are from the tooth that the jewel was crafted from.

This night it is a special night
As fairies dance upon the roof.
All the fairies must alight,
For Michael just lost a tooth!

The Fairy Queen gives her commands-
Twelve bright fairies must join hands
Then together in a circle stands
To guard Michael while he sleeps.

The Tooth Fairy into the circle leaps
The hidden tooth she takes
Ah, but has far to go
Before Michael awakes.

Three times around the world she flies
Over valleys deep and mountains high;
Skirts the storm clouds thick with thunder,
Wings over waves all wild with wonder.

Deep within their earthly homes
Finally she finds the gnomes,
Who upon the tooth must work
Never once their duty shirk.

Some are hammering, hammering, hammering,
Some the bellows blow
Others sweat at the sweltering forge
And then cry out, "Heigh Ho!"

The tooth's been turned to a shining stone,
A glimmering, glowing gem
The tooth Fairy takes the gnomes' good gift,
And bows (curtsies) to all of them.
Before the sun's first rays are shown,
She returns to Michael's bed,
And then - - - away she's flown!

Bittersweet

2007-10-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

Nathan turns 5 this Friday.

FIVE! I can't believe my little baby boy is going to be 5. For some reason, this age really seals the fact that he's not a baby boy anymore. Not that a 4 year old is a baby, anyway, but there's just something so grown-up sounding about 5. I don't know, perhaps it's because 5 is official school age. Nathan just misses the cut-off for kindergarten this year, so he's in preschool. But since preschool & kindergarten are combined at his school, he feels like he is in kindergarten. And since Michael is in kindergarten, they are in the same class. This is the only year that will happen. They are really enjoying it, and it's really sweet. I'm glad that they get to have this time together before Michael moves on and they start going their separate ways.

It's especially exciting, though, when Nathan has a birthday, because like I'm sure most moms do, I get to think back to when he was born. Nathan was premature, and couldn't breathe or eat on his own very well. So he was hooked up to a vent for a little while, IVs, ate with a stomach tube, etc. It was sad to see him with all these tubes going in and out of him. But now it's cool to look back and see how far he's come. He's a perfectly healthy and happy little boy. And yes, I'm sad that I don't have my baby anymore, but I'm also so happy to see him advancing, just like he's supposed to. And, when he crawls into bed or asks for a cuddle in his bath towel after his shower before he gets dressed, I know that I really do, for a while longer at least, still have my baby boy.

My boys

2007-09-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

This morning Nathan made Michael's bed for him "as a surprise". Michael has often does this for Nathan in the past, so Nathan said he wanted to do something for him. Michael gave Nathan a big hug and told him "I love you soooo much, Nathan".

These kids fight on occasion, but they really do love each other and are generally very sweet to each other. Sometimes they are so sweet, my heart just melts, and I want it to last forever.

Annoyed

2007-09-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, the neighbors got a fancy new Jeep. And it's fancy new alarm system goes off all. the. time. At first I thought it was growing pains with them getting used to it (I don't think they've had an alarmed vehicle before). But it's going on weeks now, and I really don't think my neighbors are that incompetent (even though they, among several of my other neighbors, seem unable to get their garbage *in* the community garbage cans in the alley; I shudder to think what the floors around their toilets look like). This thing goes off, among other times, every morning around 5:50 am, which to make things extra annoying, is 10 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Early enough that I don't want to just get up anyway, and late enough that I can't really go back to sleep after waking up in this adrenaline-pumping fashion. This does not make me happy.

Well, I do think I figured out why. Just now a helicopter flew overhead and the alarm started. As the helicopter got quieter, the alarm stopped. I'm pretty sure we have a traffic copter that flies overhead every morning (since we live near a major freeway). Now you can definitely hear the chopper, but it's not insanely loud or anything. I can't believe this alarm is that sensitive.

So, I'm annoyed.

Working out

2007-09-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

So the last couple of months I've been working out at Curves. Some may think of this as an old lady's club, and that may be true (I've only seen one person from my generation or younger there). But you can get as much out of it as you put into it. Plus it's close and I can get a workout done in 45 minutes (including travel time), which is about all I can manage to arrange to commit to in my morning schedule. After 2 months, I can see more arm muscles than I ever saw even after training with free weights (I've always had poor arm and upper body strength). I've lost a few pounds, and I'm sure I've gained some muscle. Still haven't lost all the belly fat that I'd like (yes, I gain weight like a guy, so I have no butt and a beer belly). But overall I've been doing well.

I do Curves 3x week (per recommendation), MWF. I could take TTh off, but with previous workout attempts I've learned that those days off just serve as continual reminders to myself of how nice it is to sleep in an extra half hour. This is a reminder that I do not need. I had been walking at the park, but walking isn't quite doing it for me. I hate running (call me crazy, but I always feel like my eyeballs are jolting around in my head, which quickly gives me a headache). But the walking, while nice, wasn't feeling like enough.

So I this morning I took my shiny new helmet and not so new or shiny bike and went for a ride. I had half an hour, so thought I'd ride out for 15 minutes and then ride back. 7 minutes into it I realized that I was just not going to make it that long, so I reduced my ride to 20 minutes total. I was relieved to find on the way back that my outbound route had a slight uphill grade. So the ride back was easier, and I learned that I wasn't quite the wimp that I thought I was (and I got back 2 minutes early). I ended up going just over 2 miles (according to Google maps). 2 miles in 20 minutes works out to 7.3mph, which is pretty pathetic; I can't believe I'm that bad. I had been toying with the idea of going on some local "beginners" rides on Saturdays; those say they are 12-15 mph for 15-20 miles, which apparently I'm not up for. That said, I did pace myself a little more than I probably needed to, so I think I can do more. Since I'm working out before work, I was a little paranoid of pushing too hard then running out of steam and ending up getting back late. I just can't believe I'm so bad that I'm not even beginner level. I'm going to have to suck it up some weekend morning when I'm not under weekday morning time constraints and see what I can really do.

In any case, it's a start, and I'll only get better. It did feel good to get out and ride. I did some long bike rides as a teenager at summer camp and *loved* it. I'm also glad I worked out for a couple of months before trying this; I could feel the strength in my legs and know that a couple of months ago I'd have been dying. And, unlike with walking, I really have the potential to push myself and up my endurance level, which is what I need to be doing right now.

Meme...Cause I promised I would

2007-08-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

Q. Can you cook?
A.

Q. What was your dream growing up?
A.

Q. What talent do you wish you had?
A.

Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

Q. Favorite vegetable?
A.

Q. What was the last book you read?
A.

Q. What zodiac sign are you ?
A.

Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
A.

Q. Worst Habit?
A.

Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

Q. What is your favorite sport?
A.

Q. Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
A.

Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

Q. Tell me one weird fact about you:
A.

Q. Do you have any pets?
A.

Q. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

Q. What was your first impression of me?
A.

Q. Do you think clowns are scary?
A.

Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

Q. What color eyes do you have?
A.

Q. Ever been arrested?
A.

Q. Bottle or Draft?
A.

Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
A.

Q. Would you date me?
A.

Q. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
A.

Q. Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

Q. Do you swear a lot?
A.

Q. Biggest pet peeve?
A.

Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

Q. Middle Name?
A.

Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same?
A.Type your cut contents here.

Long time, no write

2007-07-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I think I've proven to myself that anything having to do with the internet is a cyclic thing for me. Ok, except for maybe World of Warcraft, to which I'm hopelessly addicted. I rotate through different boards, or sometimes none at all. But I have been thinking of my LJ friends as of late, and a kick in the pants from

lovemonster

prompted me to actually write.

So what's going on with me...my job is in a very, um, interesting state right now. Our company is being bought, and it's a case of Russian roulette as to whether we can make a sale happen before we run out of money and therefore have nothing left to sell. We have an incredible team of engineers with expertise on what I believe to be a highly sellable and minimally tapped market, but we don't have the size or the selling capability to do anything about it. Which is where the buying company comes in. We're looking at one very prominent company in particular to buy us. They have expressed interest and are going through all the legal mumbo jumbo to do it, but that all takes time, something we have little of, and until it's signed, there's always the chance they could back out. I'm told we would fold somewhere around the end of August with no extra funds. And that's with everyone already running on a 20% pay cut. I believe our president isn't taking a salary at all. I just found out the other day that he (the president) is looking at funds to give us more runway, and could give us the option of "assuming some of the risk" by opting to go without pay. Sounds harsh, but the payoff is, if we *do* get sold, we would get our lost pay back 3 times, at our 100% salary rate. So I could stand to make some decent money, but I could stand to rack up some decent debt, too.

Let's see...4 more weeks now, I think, until the kids start school. Michael will be doing another year of kindergarten. Part of the Waldorf philosophy (and I'm sure I'm totally butchering it here) is to allow kids to grow in *all* areas, not just academics. Supposedly the early childhood is a time to lay foundations in terms of imagination, fantasy play, etc., and the teachers felt that Michael would do well to develop that for another year. It's a pretty common thing to happen, actually. I was worried that Michael would be upset since I didn't know any better and had told him he'd automatically go to 1st grade, and since some of his good friends are moving forward (some of whom have already repeated kindergarten, and some of whom, well, didn't really listen to the teachers' suggestions about staying another year). But he was very glad, almost relieved, it seemed, to hear that he'd do another year of kindergarten. Which seals the deal for me that this is the right decision. Nathan will be moving into a 5 day preschool program (up from 3 day last year). He misses the kindergarten cutoff, which means we are paying for another year of school. Since the preschool and kindergarten are mixed, we had the option of having him and Michael in the same class. Michael is looking forward to that, and I'm looking forward to only having to deal with one class for a year. They will have the same teacher Michael had last year (and Nathan visited that class a number of times as well)...Mr. John is absolutely wonderful and I'm very pleased to have him for another year.

Last: I finally got off my lazy ass and started an exercise program. I kept telling myself I didn't need to since I haven't *gained* weight in the last couple of years. But I haven't lost any either, and the love handles and tummy pooch haven't gone away. I also was thinking that some very overweight people I know didn't get that way overnight, and I'm presuming that my metabolism will not spontaneously speed up (but very well may do the opposite as I get older). So I joined Curves. Easy, conveniently located 5 minutes from my house, I can get in a decent workout in 30 minutes. Maybe I could work harder at a traditional gym, but I wouldn't go and don't always have the time to spend an hour or more puttering around the machines. So this works for me. I'm doing Curves 3 days a week and a brisk walk a few times around the lake at Kiwanis park 2 days a week. Well, that's my "assignment" to myself, but so far I've been walking one weekend day as well. Jim got me hooked up with audio books, which has become my reward for walking. Go for a walk, get to listen to a story *and* have quiet time away from the kids. What's not to like? Right now I'm reading A Good Yarn, by Debbie Macomber. It's a story about a lady who opens a yarn store and the various life challenges her, her family, and some of her patrons face and overcome.

Guess that's about it for now, work calls.

2007-03-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

1. Can you cook?

2. What was your dream growing up?

3. What talent do you wish you had?

4. Favorite place?

5. Favorite vegetable?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. What zodiac sign are u ?

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?

10. Do we know each other outside of lj?

11. What is your favorite sport?

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:

16. Do u have any pets?

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?

18. What time is it where u are now?

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22. What color eyes do you have?

23. Ever been arrested?

24. Bottle or Draft?

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30. Do you swear a lot?

31. Biggest pet peeve?

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Yippeeeee!!!

2007-03-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

I've been dying to get up to the forest lately. I get cranky if I'm away from trees for too long. Jim just called and said that the company he works for wants him to install some cameras in their cabin up in Pine (northern Arizona). We get to go up Friday night and stay until Sunday. Jim has to do some work, but the cabin's free and he'll have time to geocache with us, too.

I can't wait...I'm so excited! Just as it's starting to heat up down here in ~~hell~~ Phoenix, too. This is the hardest time of the year for me almost; even though it's not ridiculously hot yet, the anticipation alone just kills me.

Stolen shamelessly from

2007-02-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

Since I have so many new WONDERFUL friends on LiveJournal I thought this would be fun!! I also would like to know my older LJ friends much better!!

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better ! If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! *

3. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

In all fairness, the National Pork Board and the lactivist

2007-02-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess all's well that ends well. I was quite peeved when lovemonster posted about the National Pork Board going after a breastfeeding activist who was selling pro-breastfeeding shirts with a slant on a popular pork advertisement. I wasn't really upset that they were trying to protect their slogan (although I think it's silly, because I think it can only help, and certainly can't hurt them). What upset me was the manner in which they issued the cease and desist, including implying that using the phrase cast a negative tone on pork (how is breastfeeding negative???) and that the woman was promoting some kind of adult breastfeeding fetish (ok, that's how..but HTF did they draw that conclusion???).

Anyway, since I griped on a number of message boards about this, I feel I should also do my part to publicize the resolution.

Doh!

2007-01-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

So last night I thought I noticed blood in my urine. I thought maybe it was a time-of-month related thing, but that didn't quite seem right. I figured I'd just let it go and see what happened today.

This morning, same thing. Now I'm famous for getting UTIs and having no clue that I have them. Seriously, the only times I've ever known that I had one was when I happened to get a test at the doctor for other reasons and they told me I had one. So I'm thinking, "great, my kidneys are now disentegrating and my body didn't even bother to clue me in that something was going wrong".

Then it hit me. I had a big bowl of beetroot and beet green salad for lunch yesterday. I'm not really that much of a beet fan, but they were in my veggie delivery, and I didn't want to waste them. Beets tinge your urine red. Problem solved. :)

FOs: hats, mittens, and bottle covers, oh my!

2007-01-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

So I've been doing some knitting for the kids as of late. I'm learning that small children are great for learning projects...they don't notice your mistakes, they love new things, and since they're small, their items take less time to knit.

First off are the hat and mittens I did. The blue hat was my very first one, and it turned out *huge*! I was using a smaller gauge yarn that the pattern called for, so my calculations were off. On top of that, I added in some decorative yarn for the brim and earflaps. The thing is large even on *me*. But, my son loves it and it keeps his ears warm in the morning, so I'm happy.
Yarn: Plymouth Encore
Patterns:
I can't find the hat pattern at the moment; I have the printout, but can't find the link :(
mittens - Knitty's Mittens 101

You'll note that there is only one mitten in the picture. That's because my son left one at school. Thankfully, he found it there this morning.

Now on to my other son's hat and mittens. Same yarn and patterns, different color. His fancy thread ended up in his mitten cuffs. I think it's a bit girly, but it's what he wanted, so hey, what do I care? His hat is kind of stretched out because when he's not wearing it, he tends to use it to collect treasures, like rocks. I need to wash it so it will draw back up again. His mittens were the first ones I did, as you can tell by the misshapen graft stitches on the bottom one. The color in this pic is really off; it shows up better in the "modeling" pic further down.

The next 2 are of the kids modeling the goods:

Now are the bottle covers I knitted up and felted. The kids carry stainless steel water bottles to school and in the car, and they complained that they are cold to hold onto when they have ice water in them. I also did this to make theirs unique from some of the other kids in the class. This was my first felting project! I got the pattern idea from one someone posted a while back, but I can't find the link. At the time I read the pattern and then wrote out my own modifications. I believe the original pattern was for a coffee carrier (i.e., it had an open bottom).
Yarn: Cascade 220 and Cascade 220 quatro
Pattern: Basically I swatched, then felted, and figured out my *felted* gauge. Then I figured out how big I needed the cover to be for the bottles I was making it for. I started the handle with a provisional cast-on and worked it in stockinette stitch. When the handle was as long as I needed, I cast on half the stitches I needed for the body, picked up the provisional cast on stitches, and then cast on the other half (I hope this makes sense). Then I just worked in the round; I didn't do any decreases at the end, just drew it up at the bottom. Then I felted the whole thing. It's a pretty easy process; I could describe it in more detail if someone is interested.

The multi-colored one has made one more felting trip through the washer than the blue one, so it's closer to the size I wanted. Next time I wash dark towels, I'll felt the blue one once more. It fits a bit loosely as it is, and you can see that it comes up higher on the bottle. Oh, and both are the same size; the perspective of the picture makes them look different.

x-posted to

knitting

Rant...restaurants

2007-01-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, I get that reservations are a pain to maintain.

But what, for the love of God, is so hard about putting your name down over the phone? If I'm not there when you call my name, too bad for me. I could live with that. But why the $#(@ do I want to pay so that I can go stand around like cattle in a crowded waiting room for 45 minutes (if I'm lucky), or outside in the rain and inevitable smoke?

On the positive side, those leftovers suddenly sound very tasty right now. And cheap, too.

I need a nap!

2007-01-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm in the boring pre-design phase at work. Add to that the fact that I don't think I've quite recovered from being up most of the night on Monday, and I'm having a *tough* time focusing. Thank goodness it's Friday, because I don't think I could make it through another day!

Scary

2007-01-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, Monday night around 11:30 I woke up to hearing Nathan coughing this barky cough. "Oh great" I thought to myself, thinking I was in for a long night of listening to him cough while he miraculously slept through the noise. Then I heard him crying. "Damn, he must have thrown up again", I thought to myself. He woke up Sat morning throwing up (climbed in bed with me afterwards...I *thought* something smelled wrong, then ended up throwing up in the kitchen again and *cleaned it up himself*, bless his heart). I thought he was having a recurrence of that.

So I got up to go check on him. Jim already had him up and I immediately knew something was very wrong. He was gasping for air, wheezing, and saying "I can't do it! I can't do it!". He never would say what he couldn't do, but it was clear that he couldn't breathe very well at all. I was a little comforted that he was at least able to talk, so at least he was taking in *some* air. But it scared the living hell out of me. He got the croup once about a year ago and it got bad enough that I had to take him to urgent care for breathing treatments, but this was so sudden. Obviously he needed a doctor, but I was afraid to take him to the ER myself, as I was afraid he would get worse before I could even get him there.

So I called 911. Funny thing about me in emergencies...my mind feels very clear. I'm pretty sure I'm handling things pretty sanely. My voice must not convey that, though, because the 3 times I've been in emergency situations like this (the other 2 being when I started bleeding when pregnant with Nathan), I've had people tell me that I needed to calm down and tell them whatever information they needed. Which is funny, because I've always been perfectly ready to give that information. Oh, and my hands shake like mad. I guess my adrenals must work well. :) Anyway, after hearing the "calm down" speech from the emergency dispatch, I gave my info and they said a fire truck and ambulance would be on their way.

They were there in the matter of a couple of minutes, I'm sure...we live very close to the fire station. But multiply however many attempted breaths per minute and it felt like an eternity.

Soon my small living room was filled with...5-6 paramedics? I'm not really sure. They started taking oxygen sat readings on Nathan and gave him albuterol with an SVN(?) machine. It seemed to help a little bit, but he was still laboring. What a guy, he was such a trooper. Did everything they asked and didn't freak out.

Within a few minutes they were loading me onto the gurney with Nathan in my lap. Paranoid person that I am, I was a little concerned that they didn't just strap him down and let me ride in the back (always gotta buckle up!), but I let it go. They took us to Scottsdale Memorial (or whatever it's called now), which I thought was weird since we nearly passed Banner Desert on the way. I know Desert has a good NICU; maybe not a good peds department? I don't know, but I have 2 helicopter bills under my belt from being taken to the wrong hospital initially and having to be transferred, so I wasn't going to argue. Those helicopter bills aren't cheap (even with good insurance) and Nathan seemed to be breathing well enough that I wasn't worried about the extra few minutes.

They started another albuterol treatment on the way. He seemed to be responding some, but I knew it wasn't quite doing the trick. I remembered from his other episode that he had some sort of similar breathing treatment. I knew it wasn't albuterol, but couldn't think of what it was.

They got us into a room in the ER right away. The place was dead...I didn't see any other patients there. The ER looked pretty extensive, so there may have been some in other areas, but there were no patients waiting...a new experience for me. The doctor recommended a treatment of epi (*that's* what he had last time!). Sure enough, that stuff worked wonders. I could tell it was helping because Nathan wanted to hold the mask to his face himself. It was like he wanted to make sure it stayed there! Within a few minutes he was feeling much better. Once he was doing better and the epi treatment was done, they gave him an oral steroid which they said would take longer to go into effect, but would last longer (the rest of the night). They kept him for an hour for observation and then let us go home.

He hasn't had any problems since. He thinks the whole thing is cool...spent the whole day Tuesday talking about how he got to ride in an ambulance, and how the ambulance "wasn't boring, it was FUN!". He was such a good kid...did everything they asked him with hardly a whimper (he only whimpered at the *3rd try* at a rectal temp reading, as the thermometer didn't want to kick in and take a reading for whatever reason). Jim and I were very tired as we didn't get to bed until 4 am. I took the day off and kept the kids home from school. They didn't sleep as late as I would think they should have after a night like that. Nathan ended up napping yesterday afternoon, as did I.

I'm so glad he's ok...it was so scary how quickly this came on.

My not-so-little boy

2007-01-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

Michael's 6th birthday is coming up next month, and he is sooo excited about it. He already scheduled a "meeting" with us this week to "talk about stuff like cake, presents, and what park to have it in". This is the first year we're doing a party with his friends, so he's very excited. Even cuter...at his school, usually the birthday kid will bring some kind of small gift for the other kids in the class. Nothing fancy, just some pretty stones, or homemade necklaces...stuff like that. Yesterday, all on his own, Michael sat down and drew/colored 17 different animals, flowers, etc., cut them out, and then asked for a basket to keep them in until the big day.

So, naturally, I've been thinking about him a lot, and as I guess all moms do, wondering where the time has gone. It seems impossible that he could have grown up so fast, yet at the same time, his babyhood seems a distant memory. Sometimes at night I will get him up to go to the bathroom (he's still just a bit shaky on keeping dry all night; this seems to help) and I'll carry him back to bed. As he clasps his sleepy arms around my neck, I think about what it was like, all those dark nights when I would be up walking the hall with him. He always had a tough time settling down to sleep. Oh, how exhausted I was those sleepless nights, but I did make a point of cherishing the quiet time alone. It's strange to think that that cuddly baby has grown into a still-very-cuddly, but big boy who I can hardly carry back to his bedroom anymore.

I remember when he was born, that I found myself not wanting to go home from the hospital. Not because I love hospitals...who does? I hated the whole feeling of someone else being in control of my sweet little baby. But somehow I felt that maybe if I didn't leave, that those precious early hours would just last forever and ever. Of course I knew that that wasn't true, but part of me wanted to believe that it could be. I lived the whole first year of his life acutely aware that every moment was so very fleeting, that I just savored it. I love that I can appreciate these moments as they happen this way, but it's also an incredibly painful way to live, when you're always so conscious of how time is slipping by, how those moments are gone forever. And this one...and this one...and this one......

Them boys, them boys

2007-01-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

Michael: "I'm shutting the bathroom door because I want some privacy"
Nathan: "I want privacy, too!"
Jim: "Well, then, go in your room to get dressed, Nathan"
Nathan: "I want Michael with me when I'm getting dressed!"

ROFL!

Decision, decisions

2007-01-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

A few months back, we found out about a Waldorf school in Eugene that we're particularly interested in. It's a charter school (i.e., free, which is the only way we can afford a Waldorf education), and they have a Waldorf teacher training school nearby (something which, previously unbeknownst to me, Jim is interested in). We are both getting tired of the heat (especially me), and my dream is to live in the forest. How much better does it get?

So our plan is to spend a week, drive up to Eugene, and check out the school and housing. We were waiting to find out from the school when they would be holding parent information meetings. I just got that information today. And now I feel strangely adverse to the idea of going. Partly because, I'm not so sure I want to move away from all of our friends. And we would now be twice as far away from my parents (it would be 2000 miles now), making it more difficult to go see them. I've always had this picture of myself alone in the forest, surrounded by pine trees. And it seemed so peaceful and serene. Now it still does, but I'm also catching a hint of loneliness. I find that I don't make friends that easily...I do meet people, but it's not often that I click with someone to the point of going the next level of actively spending time with them. So I'm very reluctant to give up the good times I do have with my wonderful friends here.

And now things at work are in flux. Our company may get sold. I'm told that I'd still have a job, but I'm not so sure. The job market in Eugene for software engineers, well, sucks. And work-at-home jobs are not so easy to come by...I got really lucky with this one. No point moving if the chances are high I'd have to move again to find work. Moving, especially that distance, isn't cheap.

I'm questioning whether we should go on this trip at all. If we don't have a reasonable chance of moving, then I hate to burn the vacation time and expense. Pat and Mike have been talking about a ski trip. Which I'd love to do, but I'm not so sure about that anyway. Nathan isn't ready to ski at all (chronologically he is, but developmentally he's not), Michael needs 100% supervision and tires easily. It's very expensive to get child care at a ski resort, and what fun is a ski trip if you don't, well, *ski*? Plus, I kind of hate spending vacations putting my kids in child care. It just doesn't feel right to say, "hey, let's stick you with a bunch of strangers and a bunch of filthy, half-broken toys while we go while away the hours on the slopes". It's ok for an evening or even a day, but the whole time? Bleh. I think the reality is, the ski trips should wait until both kids are old enough to either spend at least some time on the slopes with us, or have some friends they could stay with so that they get a vacation, too.

Figures

2006-12-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

The *one* day the kids sleep in, I wake up at *6:30* and can't go back to sleep!

On a good note, I got to spend a good 2 hours knitting. All by myself. With no interruptions. It's amazing how quickly and mistake-free the knitting went!

On another note, I hope they're not sick. Especially Michael...he *never* sleeps in.

I'm such a dork

2006-12-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided I wanted to make winter hats for my boys. Well, I've known I wanted to for a while, but I finally finished up my project I was working on for my friend Molly's birthday. Yeah, her birthday was 11/9. Let's just say the scarf I made her took just a *bit* longer than I expected. Oh, well..she sews, so she understands.

Anyway, I can do the hats on circular needles alone (as opposed to starting out on double pointed needles (DPNs), my preferred method), but it requires using the "magic loop" method, which I loathe, particularly on small circles. I'll go ahead and start the first one this way, because I'm a "gotta have it now" kind of girl, but I ordered a full set of DPNs off of eBay so that I won't run into this problem in the future (specifically, on the second hat).

At least, I *thought* I ordered DPNs. Shortly after I made the bid, I checked the auction and DAMN IT if I hadn't ordered the wrong thing. I can't blame the seller...everything was clearly labeled with proper pictures. I just had too many tabs open in Firefox and bid from the wrong one. I don't meet the eBay requirements to retract the bid, and given that there were only a few hours left and I had to leave, I didn't feel it was right to ask the seller to cancel my bid (if this is even possible). I decided to just wait, hope I lost the auction, and go from there.

Naturally I won the auction. I wrote the seller, explained what I had done, and asked if she would mind substituting what I *intended* to buy (she sells loads of these, so I didn't figure inventory would be a problem). I made it clear that I realized this was my mistake and that I was prepared to purchase the needles I ordered if I had to. Realistically, i would probably have used and enjoyed them, but since I have a set of Denise interchangeable needles, I don't really *need* them. Thankfully, she was happy to accomodate me, and didn't even charge me extra (I believe the two sets are of similar value, but since I got them off of a lower bid price rather than a higher "buy it now" price, I wasn't sure what she would do).

Anyway, my set of 10" DPNs size 1-13 are shipping out this morning (they are like these, for my fellow knitting friends). I can't wait! I'm so excited, in a totally knitting-geeky kind of way.

My first largish knitting project!

2006-12-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my first Clapotis (and my largest project to date) last night. I'm so excited...so much so that I had to take pictures before I washed/blocked it.

I did it in Bamboo by Southwest Trading Company. The color is "electric blue" and looks a bit more electric than any of the pictures show. I used the size needles the pattern suggested; I have no idea if it is to gauge or not, and I don't care. It's a reasonable size, and I think that's all that matters.

Unfortunately, this is for my friend's birthday, which was 11/9, so it's late. I'm very pleased with how it turned out.

On to the pictures.

Here's (almost) the whole scarf. It's a bit wider at the right end. I don't think it's because my gauge got off, but because the bottom right corner was the final end of the work, and I could tell the weight of it was stretching it out of shape as I neared the end. Since I took the pictures I have it blocking on my bed, and it evened out nicely (whew! I was a bit worried!)

Close up of stitch detail (with flash)...this one is a little closer to the true color, but the flash kind of washed it out.

Close up w/o flash. This shows the stitches better, but the color is off

This was so ridiculous, I just had to post it...

2006-12-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

On the twelfth day of Christmas, PoledraDog sent to me...

Twelve fantasy novels drumming

Eleven kids lunches sewing

Ten austin texas a-breastfeeding

Nine kids anti-smoking

Eight movies a-knitting

Seven babies a-scrapbooking

Six mountains a-geocaching

Five alte-e-e-ernative fuels

Four lazy weekends

Three earth homes

Two gun rights

...and a tex-mex in a coffee.

Somehow this doesn't surprise me.

2006-12-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

You Are a Snowflake

You live for the winter - blizzards, cold nights, snowball fights! The holidays are just a bonus!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Nutricide - Criminalizing Natural Health, Vitamins, and Herbs

2006-12-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

This is serious stuff, folks. If you can't or don't want to watch the video, you can read more information here: http://healthfreedomusa.org



"Nutricide - Criminalizing Natural Health, Vitamins, and Herbs" on Google Video
The Codex Alimentarius is a threat to the freedom of people to choose natural healing and alternative medicine and nutrition. Ratified by the World Health Organization, and going into Law in the United States in 2009, the threat to health freedom has never been greater. This is the first part of a series of talks by Dr. Rima Laibow MD, available on DVD from the Natural Solutions Foundation, an non-profit organization dedicated to educating people about how to stop Codex Alimentarius from taking away our right to freely choose nutritional health.

Good times

2006-12-12T13:25:00.000-07:00

Michael sometimes has this great belly laugh. He's almost 6 years old, so he doesn't sound like a baby anymore by any means, but this laugh is the kind of unrestrained laugh that a baby has when you get one really going about something. It actually reminds me of Bart Simpson's laugh, but not in an evil way. It is just pure, unadulterated joy. Anyway, I heard him laughing like that, and wanted to preserve the memory for myself here. Some day I will look back on this and remember what he sounded like.

And for those of you reading this, don't forget to take joy in those little things about the ones you love.

2006-11-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm avoiding some particularly distasteful work for a moment, so here's a

1. FIRST NAME? Lisa
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. My dad wanted to name me "Layla" after the Eric Clapton song, but my mom nixed that idea (for which I am grateful).
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Earlier this week, when I was so tired and stressed that I was yelling at the kids for no good reason. I had that realization that I was being a horrible mom, and I just cried and cried in the shower.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not specifically, but at least it's legible.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? smoked turkey. No sweet/honey stuff. Bleh.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably. I hope so, because the only people I'm not friends with are people who are either a) assholes, or b) very superficial. I sure hope I'm not either of those. That said, I don't have a lot of friends, just because I'm kind of a homebody, I guess.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yeah, but I don't keep up with it that much.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, although with all the times I had strep and tonsilitis as a kid, it's amazing they didn't just get completely eaten by viruses and bacteria.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Maybe. I'd be more likely to skydive, as I have this fear that the jolt at the bottom of a bunjee jump would completely screw up my back. But I don't plan on doing either until after the kids are grown, since I like to minimize the risk of leaving them motherless.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? oatmeal made from steel-cut oats.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? If they tie, yes
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not so much strong as tough. (I stole this answer, but I think it applies to me)
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Blue Bell cookies & cream
14. SHOE SIZE? This question ticks me off, just because it reminds me of how difficult it is for me to find shoes that fit. I can fit in anything between a 7 and a 9, and none of those ever fit *right*. I hate shoes. :(
15. RED OR PINK? 5 years ago I would have said red without a doubt. I've started appreciating pink; I guess it depends on if I'm feeling more feminine/pretty, or more sexy.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? When I'm having difficulties with the kids, I yell at them. I hate it when I yell, and I know that what they end up hearing is akin to what adults in the Peanuts cartoons sound like. I wish I could just STFU be one of those parents that remains calm.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My dad in Texas.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? N/A
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans, white Hawaii t-shirt. Since I'm home, I'm barefoot (see #11)
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? bean/cheese burrito and 3 rolled tacos from the Mexican joint down the street.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of my computer.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Probably a rich shade of blue.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My husband.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes/face/hair.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU STOLE THIS FROM? Well, I don't know her (she's an LJ friend), but she seems pretty cool and helpful online. :)
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Alcoholic: margarita, or a *good* beer, or *good* red wine. Non-alcoholic: regular iced tea, unsweetened.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Nascar
29. EYE COLOR? brown
30. HAT SIZE? I have no clue; I rarely wear hats.
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, although lately they irritate my eyes, which really bothers me because when I don't wear them for a long length of time, my vision degrades (I wear hard contacts).
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Smoked BBQ, *good* steak, Tex-Mex
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings. I hate scary movies, not because they scare me, but because I find them kind of dumb.
34. THERE IS NO 34.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. If I never had the sensation of being hot again, I would be the happiest person alive. I *hate* feeling hot.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs, although a nice sensual kiss from my husband is wonderful. Come to think of it, a sweet, sloppy kiss from one of my kids is pretty cool, too. :)
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake, or chocolate pie
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? who knows?
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? who knows?
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? A fantasy novel by Kathryn Kerr. I use a cloth book cover, so I always forget the title of the book I'm reading.
41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have a mousepad; I use a trackball
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Lost, and part of the Nascar race we had saved from last weekend.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? My kids singing, laughing, and playing. The way it sounds outside when there's snow on the ground. Even when it's silent, there's a sound. Wind blowing through the tops of trees while standing in a forest.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Both; I absolutely love them both.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Either Fairmont Hot Springs, B.C., or Myrtle Beach, S.C. (I live in AZ; not sure which is farther)
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I can teach myself just about anything, if I'm interested/motivated enough.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Austin, TX
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I snitched it from

sarakate

Why eating locally is so important

2006-10-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

This is a topic that is becoming ever-nearer and dearer to my heart. I always knew it was "a good thing" to eat locally, but this article emphasizes the point to me even further. I can also see that the stupid fucked up FDA will make it such that I *have* to grow a garden, simply because I won't be able to afford to buy locally grown food (because of stupid regulations).

Support your local farmers

I couldn't resist this one.

2006-10-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world. Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them. When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well. But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's Your Beer Personality?

Not surprising, eh?

2006-10-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

2006-10-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.

1. My dream is to someday live in the forest. Even better would be self-sustaining, with my own garden, etc.

2. My bathroom has what I think may be the smallest shower stall on the planet, and it is an ugly green, but I still mentally give a little thanks every time I use it, because I love hot showers and would hate to not be able to take one when I wanted to.

3. When I was in 5th grade, I got in trouble for stealing a little kid's lunchbox. Weird thing is, I wasn't trying to steal it. It's kind of a long story, but really, I wasn't. Honest.

4. When I was in high school, I took the ASVAB test. It said I should be an aircraft mechanic or a nurse. Interestingly enough, I could probably be an auto mechanic if I were physically stronger, and I'm seriously considering going back to school someday so I can become a nurse.

5. My ideal vacation is to sit in the middle of the forest on brisk days and just talk, read, nap, and sip tasty warm drinks all day.

6. I often feel like I was born after my time. I think I should have been born in the 1800s or so. I've felt this way since I was a little girl.

Happy Birthday, Nathan!

2006-10-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

Nathan (my youngest son) turns 4 today. Happy Birthday, Nathan!

Yesterday he had a very nice birthday celebration during class at his preschool. Jim and I spent the morning with him in his classroom. Nathan and I made pumpkin muffins to share with the class, and the teacher did a (classic Waldorf) Rainbow bridge birthday ceremony for him. I thought the teacher did a nice job of focusing attention on him throughout the day without making the other kids feel ignored. All in all it was very sweet and I think Nathan came away from school that day feeling very special and loved.

*Sweet moment*: Nathan is the youngest and the smallest kid in the class. The other kids seem pretty aware that he is younger and seems less mature than them, but they seem to watch out for him rather than exclude him for it. One particular boy, Winslow, who Nathan has mentioned to me a few times before, said to me, "I'm kind of like Nathan's big brother". And he really is.

Today Nathan picked Chevy's for dinner. Definitely a step up from his pick last year (Sam's...yes, Sam's Club, the warehouse store).

Saturday we're doing our traditional have-everyone-over-and-make-a-meal thing for him. I'm making burritos and appropriate sides. Nathan wants a castle cake, which Jim has volunteered to construct. I'm nervous about this, but we'll see. Nathan's getting an Imaginext castle from us, along with a wooden treasure box (which he's been really wanting). Michael hand knitted him a crown and bought him a snake book at the book fair with his own money. I think Nathan's going to have a nice birthday, which makes me happy. :)

Gay rights (snagged from lovemonster)

2006-10-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal.There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "GayRights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this.Thanks.

This sucks

2006-10-03T13:31:00.000-07:00

DAMN these cramps hurt like a mofo. I *hate* this!

I'm seriously considering having some major "plumbing" work done. Especially since I'm not planning on having any more kids. I can deal with some pain, but this double-over-nearly-throwing-up bit is ridiculous.

My latest creation

2006-10-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, I love pesto.

I present to you,

.

This is French toast, but instead of adding vanilla, sugar, and the usual spices in with the egg and milk, I added garlic salt and chipotle chili powder. After I cooked it I topped it with homemade pesto sauce, goat cheese, and sun dried tomatoes. Yum!

My brother

2006-10-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my little brother is smoking pot again.

This is after getting out of a halfway house just a few weeks ago. He's currently on probation, and has already violated the terms of his probation once (twice? I can't keep track anymore) with pot. If he gets caught again, he will go back for a long time.

It doesn't bother me so much that he smokes it, it's just that he's willing to risk having a life to do it. He doesn't even think he has a problem. I don't think all pot smokers are addicts, but I believe my brother is one. It makes me very, very sad.

My first "real" knitting project (almost)

2006-09-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, Michael is ga-ga crazy over weird, funky socks. If you've been to our house in the last year or so, he very well may have shown off his ducky socks to you (funny green socks with a 3-D duck knitted into the front of them). I've been on a quest for colorful socks for him, but have found that the selection for boys is so...dreary and boring. There are plenty of things for girls, but I don't see Michael walking around in daisies or little pink hearts.

Sooo, I finally got around to teaching myself to knit (something I've been wanting to do, anyway). I knitted a couple of simple treasure bags for the boys and a dishcloth for myself. I bought myself a used copy of Sensational Socks, by Charlene Schurch, which I highly recommend to anyone who is inclined to master, or even attempt, the art of sock-making. I took a 3-hour class at my local yarn store, which I probably didn't need, but thoroughly enjoyed. And come to think of it, I did learn a cool tip for casting on, and how to make my kitchener stitch look right. I then furiously knitted a small pair of baby booties for a friend's baby shower. Then, I set to work on socks for Michael. He loves green and bright colors, so the yarn was his pick.

The socks have a k3p3 ribbing, and the leg is done in a slipped stitch rib (alternating rows of K3P3 and "K1, sl1 wyib, K1, P1, sl1 wyif, P1"). The foot is basic stockinette. This is a basic top down, heel flap sock.

The yarn is Cascade Fixations spray-dyed key-lime.

The cuff/leg part turned out a bit large, but other than that I'm happy with the way they turned out. Next time I'll try knitting that part with a smaller needle. I did these on size 3 dpns, and the next smallest size I had was 00, so I didn't do that. My son loves them, so I'm happy. And, I'm very proud that my kitchener stitch turned out *very* nicely! *pats self on back*

Upon finishing these, Nathan immediately told me to "get out the green yarn and the knitting needles". He picked out a solid bright green for his socks. So now I'm working on those.

Green Goodness--Pesto!!

2006-09-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a friend over and had pasta with pesto for dinner. It was, I must say, absolutely wonderful.

I made a spicy and a mild version.

First, I made the pesto. Mmmmm, pesto.

Then I cut up the sausage and started cooking it. The one in front is chipotle sausage; in the back is spinach/fontina/something (pine nut?) sausage:

While the sausage was cooking, I prepped the vegetables. First, the yummy rainbow chard. Isn't it pretty?

Vegetables are prepped and ready to go. On the left is the Swiss chard. Next to that are the Hatch green chiles that I wasn't finished cutting up, next are the roasted red peppers and Hatch green chiles ready for the spicy pan, and on the far right are the roasted red peppers for the mild pan. The bowl just has the skins I peeled off of the chiles, and look at all those seeds I took out!

(Side note to fellow coffee snobs: The Maxwell House can is there because we recently went on vacation for the weekend and forgot to bring coffee. I told my dad to pick up the most expensive thing the store had, and that's what he came back with. That's what you get in a small town. I can't bring myself to drink any more of it, but I'm saving it because it's a good can. I'll eventually give in and just dump it out I'm sure...or, I just realized I can use it for compost. Yay!)

Anyway, when the sausage was almost done, I added in the Swiss chard and covered it with a lid to help it steam a bit. When it was almost done, I added in some pine nuts, the peppers and chiles, and some sun dried tomatoes and stirred until those items were warmed. Then I dumped the whole thing over the pasta, and added the pesto on top. I actually made two batches of pesto, but as one who can eat pesto with a spoon, I ended up using it all instead of saving half, anyway. Yay, pesto! The mild version is on the left, and the spicy on the right.

Finally the table, with the bread and wine our friend brought. The bread was a wonderful sourdough; our friend said the bakery was out of the rustic loaf style, so he had to get the sandwich loaf. It was still very tasty! I don't know much about wine, other than if it tastes good or not (this one did!), but our friend does (which is why it's his job to pick out the wine :) ). This is an Australian wine, GSM, and is a mix of grenache, syrah, and mourvedre (imagine an accent over the first e in the last word). It was delish and went very well with the pasta.

Not the best picture, as I was in a hurry to snap it before the vultures descended on the food. Anyway, here goes:

I meant to pair this with a salad, but forgot about it until the last minute. I could have whipped one up, but the boys said "salad? We don't need no stinking salad!" And we really didn't. There was plenty of food for all (and plenty of leftovers are now waiting for me in my fridge).

Search for me

2006-09-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

If you are so inclined, please use http://www.goodsearch.com for your internet searches. Designate "Desert Marigold" as your charity of choice, and your searches will help generate money for my sons' school. Goodsearch.com is powered by Yahoo.

If you don't want to, that's cool, too, but hey, if you don't ask, you don't receive, right?

Imitation is the best form of flattery

2006-09-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

This made me smile.

I was just taking a break between work and making dinner to do some knitting.

Michael happened to be playing with his Leappad at the same time. After a few minutes, he picked up the pen to his Leappad, started twisting it around, and said, "Look Mom, I'm knitting! Look at this stitch I just made!"

I did take him to a class to learn to knit, but the teacher and I determined that he's not quite ready to manage holding the yarn and needles together. He'll get there, though. :)

Pool, anyone?

2006-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

This is so cool!!!
http://www.youtube.com/v/PLK3slR6XEQ

Best breakfast ever

2006-09-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Oatmeal (made from steel cut oats); add honey, raw milk, and a palmful of pumpkin pie spice
grapefruit juice
coffee

I'm trying Trader Joe's organic fair trade Nicaraguan coffee this morning, and it's delish!!!

Hahahahaha

2006-09-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton fans need not click.

"Bon appetit, now we may eat!"

2006-09-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

That's what Nathan said this morning after he and Michael had sang a blessing on their breakfast, which goes something like this:
Blessings on the blossoms
Blessings on the roots
Blessings on the leaves and stems
Blessings on the fruits

Yes, one of the things they are learning from their Waldorf education is to take time to appreciate the food they are eating. Which I think is a good thing. I'm not particularly religious, and for me traditional prayer in the form of talking out loud to God doesn't really work. It doesn't make me uncomfortable for others to do it, but for me to lead my family that way would be entirely fake. So I've pretty much neglected this aspect (prayers before meals) because I wasn't sure how to structure it in a non-formal-prayer fashion. I like what the school is doing in this regard, and I like that it forces everyone to take time to think about what a blessing a meal is. (And besides, their little voices singing this stuff sounds darn cute!). Plus it's a tradition, and I like traditions, even though, again, I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to establish them since I'm not religious at all, and most traditions we have in this country are at a minimum loosely based on religion. I'm getting there, though. Waldorf has some good ideas that we're incorporating (have only gone through one year, so I can't call anything a tradition, yet).

Of course, when my dad, Mr. Meatatarian was here (not that I don't enjoy a good steak or burger), his immediate comment was "what about 'blessings on the cows and chickens...'?" I told him to leave the kids alone; there are a lot of vegetarians/vegans at their school and while I have no plans on joining their ranks, I don't need the kids offending them, either. (He was teasing, by the way).

2006-09-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Poison Owie

2006-09-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

When we were hiking in Northern Arizona a couple of weeks ago, my son Michael cautioned us to watch out for "poison owie" (i.e., poison ivy).

That is all.

I was going to bitch about something, but...

2006-09-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

...I found this on a friend of a friend's journal and decided on an attitude adjustment instead. Love to all my (LJ, non-LJ, and real life) friends.

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Starving

2006-09-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

So for whatever weird reason, I'm craving some kind of whole grain. As I perused my pantry shelves, my eyes landed upon a box of organic bulgur wheat that I bought from Trader Joes (when I was, again, craving whole grains; I had no idea what I was going to do with it when I bought it). I've never cooked this before, but a quick search on the internet told me I could basically make a pilaf.

"This shouldn't take too long," I thought. Quick chop of some onions, saute in butter, add 1/2 c bulgur wheat and 1 1/2 cups of chicken broth. This is the proper ratio of cooking liquid per the package directions (directions say to use water; I used the broth for more flavor). The directions state "bring the water and bulgur wheat to a boil. Reduce to simmering, cover, and cook for 10-12 minutes.

It's now been 20 minutes and there is still so much damn liquid in there, it's more like a soup. Now I'm *never* going to eat lunch.

Edit: It *finally* got done, after an hour. I added some pine nuts, freshly grated parmesan cheese and creamy goat cheese. Topped with a sprinkle of chipotle chili powder. Mmmmmm.

My LJ Interests

2006-09-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

Create your own! Originally Written By , Hosted and ReWritten by

I'm neurotic

2006-09-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	90
Extraversion	11
Openness To Experience	34
Agreeableness	74
Conscientiousness	43

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

MySpace Surveys, MySpace Codes and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software

Sad

2006-09-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

My dad is going home today. He's been here for the last 2 weeks, and it has been great. The problem is, I don't think I'd ever get tired of having him here. I've loved my dad fiercely ever since I can remember, and I'm so sad for him to go. I wish I could spend more time with him on a regular basis, since it's not exactly realistic for one of us to live with the other one.

One fun thing we got to do while he was here was geocaching. Basically it's a treasure hunt for grownups, although kids can play, too. The short of it is people set up caches in various places and then post the coordinates along with applicable directions and clues to the website. You download the coordinates into your GPS (or in my case, your dad's GPS :) ) and look for the cache. You sign the log in the cache, and you can take a treasure and leave a treasure (or not). "treasures" can be anything. Proper etiquette dictates that you leave something of comparable value to what you take, but there is nothing to enforce that. I just like the fun of the hunt (and the fact that we were doing this around the forests of the Mogollon Rim in northern Arizona), but the kids got a kick out of "hunting for treasure". This is something I hope to be doing for a long time. It's fun, cheap (after the initial cost of the GPS, that is), and you get to see places you probably wouldn't have otherwise seen. It did take Dad and I a while to get the hang of using the GPS (note: sometimes it will tell you to drive straight off into the forest, even if you have the "follow road" feature turned on. Must read map and draw your own conclusions). But, we have great memories of the "roads" we tried to follow (some of them little more than rough hiking trails).

My name is Snotty Chickensniffer

2006-08-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

What's yours?

http://tinyurl.com/q3o8e

Growing up

2006-08-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

I still can't used to the idea that I'm an adult. No matter that I have a husband, 2 kids, a house, and a real job. Every once in a while I'll think about the place I am in life and it just surprises the hell out of me. I still feel like a young, inexperienced kid. Which, to some people, I guess I probably still am.

I was talking to a coworker today. I've worked with him since 1997. He hired me into my first real software engineering job at Motorola that I worked in from 1997-2000 and was my team lead, essentially my boss, from the time he hired me until he left in 1999. Then in 2000 he hired me into the company that I work for now, and was (is) still kind of my boss (the word "boss" is used very loosely in the small company I work for now). I have a ton of respect for this man on so many different levels. He's a good engineer, a good boss, and is a fun person, too. I couldn't ask for a better mentor.

This spring I led the developers for a project that he was a developer on, which put me in the position of delegating work to him. It felt so weird, but he (of course) handled it professionally, and I like to think I did a good job (he got our project manager to give Jim and I a free dinner out at a nice restaurant for the work I did, so he must think so, too). In our job no one is really "above" anyone else, but there always has to be someone to lead a project, and this time that person was me. So it wasn't like he was demoted, it was just the way that particular job was structured. But it still felt weird to be telling him what to do.

This morning he called me to discuss some software he's working on with me. We ended up chatting about "the old days" of software development (how weird to realize that I was involved when this field was in it's infancy, or at least it's young childhood). But the thing that struck me was that he was calling to ask what I thought about a certain approach he was taking in his software, and to see "if it was ok" with me. Which is really weird, because in the past it has always been more of him letting me know what he was doing. Never asking if it was ok (not that he never sought my opinion...he often did, but his word was still the final say). It made me realize that he sees me now as an equal. Which, in a way feels strange. And a bit scary, because it implies more responsiblity. But it also makes me feel really good. Like I've grown up, professionally.

What makes it home?

2006-07-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

So Jim and I have been talking lately about moving. I've been wanting to move for some time, but I think he's finally with me. The primary reason, is just that it's too damn hot here. Sometimes I think it's silly to choose where I live based on the weather, but the reality is, I *hate* the heat, and since I spend a great deal of time where I live (duh), why should I spend my life some place that I don't like? Not to mention the fact that I've just never been able to see the beauty of the desert. I know a lot of people do, and that's great. But all the dirt and rocks just don't do it for me. I was struck with this when we went to MN last month and I was struck by the fact that the side of the highway looked pretty to me (because it had grass, instead of rocks).

Speaking of rocks, I can appreciate why people don't grow grass in their yards here...we live in the desert, grass requires water, water is a precious resource, etc., etc. Yeah, I get that. But why *rocks*??? In a locale where temps routinely exceed 100, or even ~~100~~ 110, let's surround ourselves with materials that retain heat. Yeah, that makes sense. End rant.

So Jim and I have discussed several different places. Minnesota (he has family there, and we like it there and are both interested in living someplace with seasons, which neither of us have done). Texas (my parents are there). Oregon (nice climate, and lots of hippies, which I must admit I am turning into; Jim's brother lives there, but I don't expect him to stay there). Colorado (nice climate, lots of trees, and not as far of a move from our parents). Then we both think about how we hate to leave our friends. I'd love to live near my parents, but I'm not crazy about the Texas climate (although I like it far better than the one here). Do we move where we want to live, or near people we want to be around? I hate to move based on where certain people live, because anyone can move. On the other hand, I can't imagine moving somewhere where I don't know anyone (I know people do it all the time, but I never have). I've always felt that who you're with is more important than where you're at, but obviously other factors affect how I feel. I know that theoretically I could make friends anywhere, but in reality, I'm not the best at meeting people.

Random things that are going on

2006-05-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for a while, so here are some random thoughts about what is going on with me.

- I just finished work for today. My eyes feel like I have been poking them with rusty forks (from staring at the computer monitor). I don't think people were meant to spend their lives as computer programmers. I'm also a bit behind at work, so I may be spending the weekend working. The *holiday* weekend. Bleh.

- Michael has his last day of preschool tomorrow. I can't believe he's going to be in kindergarten next year! I'm kind of sad for him, because he loves school so much and I know he's going to be sad not to go all summer. I'm also sad for me, because he's growing up and I'd love for him to stay little forever (ok, not really, but in that fantastical mommy-world where it is actually *normal* for your babies to remain babies). Nathan will be starting preschool next year (provided potty training continues to progress; he's not quite "school-ready" in that regard yet). I'm a little nervous about how he'll do...he's not the best with crowds and noise, and the classroom acoustics are such that it gets quite loud in there. I think if he can deal with this, he'll really love the class (it's a Waldorf-inspired school. I love it. See http://www.arizonawaldorf.org)

- I recently took up knitting. I've been crocheting since my dear Granny taught me when I was 5 or 6. I've always wanted to learn to knit, but never had anyone to teach me how. I finally decided to teach myself (with the help of the internet and some awesome teaching videos I found there). I am the proud owner of a handmade washcloth (it works really well, too). Next I'm going to make a bag for Michael to carry his Viewmaster reels in.

- Jim is building a *huge* patio cover for me as a Mother's Day gift. For those who are familiar with my house, it basically completes the square that the back of our bedroom forms with the Arizona room (that's an enclosed porch to you non-Zonies). I love to grill, but hate standing in the hot sun to do it, so I'm very excited about this!

- Summer is officially here. Bleh. I hate summer in Arizona. Heh. I'm not even that wild about winter in Arizona. But I'll refrain from sinking any further into that vortex of bitchin' and moanin'.

- Now it's time for dinner. Leftover hamburgers (but they were very good hamburgers, so I'm looking forward to them).

O, Canada!

2006-05-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Back in March the family went on our first ever trip to Canada. It was nothing short of spectacular.

Earlier this week (incidentally, about the time day temps started hitting the 100s here...coincidence?), Nathan started talking about wanting to go to Canada.

Ok, "talking about" is a bit of an understatement. Jim said he spent about 4 hours on Thursday *crying* because he wants to go to Canada. Four hours!!!! For the last few days, he's been pointing at his little Canadian flag luggage tag that we put on his backpack and saying, "We want to go back there, right?" and "Everything's red in Canada!" (?!?!?!?!)

Oh, and I never realized how many Canadian products are available here in the States. The kids notice that little maple leaf on *everything*. :)

The joys of boys

2006-05-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Butt. Poop. Burp. Stinky. Yucky. Flush it down the toilet.

Yes, these are the favorite topics of conversation for my 2 boys. A dear friend who has raised several boys told me today that this is only the beginning. Thankfully, they haven't started the burp/poop/fart contests (yet).

A few days ago Nathan was drawing on his Magna-doodle, and drew something which I heard him say "looks like a butt". It was an ovalish shape with a straight line down the middle. Today I heard him say that he drew a "rectangle butt". Yep, you guessed it...it was a rectangle with a line down the middle.

Then, of course, Michael had to ask him to draw a triangle butt. Nathan had trouble accomplishing this and started to cry. Thankfully he got over it...I can just see myself trying to console a 3-year-old because he can't draw a triangle butt.

The words to all the children's songs are now modified to sing about some sort of excrement, or excrement-producing body part.

I can tell that this is way more than I can control. The best I can hope to do is to teach them to refrain from this kind of talk in key places (like restaurants).

Don't Tread on Me

2006-04-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am in the bitchiest mood right now. It's a good thing I work all alone in an office all by myself. I feel like just raging at someone. And no, I don't have a good reason for it. Mike is coming over tonight to watch last night's episode of The Amazing Race with us. I hope I can shake this by then...I hate being in this kind of mood when people are over.

TV and Bedtime

2006-04-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

So some of the people at Michael's school were talking about this book called "The 7 o'clock Bedtime". The basic idea is that kids in general don't get enough sleep these days, and are staying up too late watching TV, etc. in the name of spending "quality time" with the parents after work.

Well, we do let our kids watch TV, but not usually at night. That said, I think they could use some more sleep. And Jim and I could definitely use some more time in the evenings. So, we're trying it. We haven't hit 7:00 yet (and we may never; I'm not willing to do anything that pulls wake-up time before 6:30 or 7:00), but tonight I was reading stories to the kids by 7 (i.e., they were done with teeth, vitamins, etc.). By the time we did stories and finished songs, I think it was 7:45. I kind of let it drag out because I enjoy the time with them, but that's ok. I think it's time well spent, we all enjoy it, and I've noticed that if I spend a bit more time on the bedroom routine, they settle down more quickly after I leave the room.

Another thing they were talking about at school was cutting out TV entirely. I was opposed to this idea for a while, not because I think TV is grand, but because I'm opposed to absolutes in general (those who know my religious background will understand where I'm coming from on this one). However, one of the moms was mentioning how she can tell when her usually TV-less kids have watched some (at a friend's house, etc.), because they are listless and whiney. Oh, man, did that hit home. So the kids haven't had computer games or TV since last Friday night. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. It helps that we got them a new swingset this weekend, so they've been playing on that. But I'm noticing they are engaging in more imaginative play with each other, and I think that's a good thing. They really whined the first few times they asked for TV or games, but that seems to be waning. Michael hasn't asked at all, and Nathan isn't harping on it so much. That doesn't mean I'll never let them watch TV or play a video game again, but I'm seeing what a positive thing it is (and I was really skeptical). I wish I could say I'm ready to give mine up, but I'm not. Ha. But, I'm already on the computer less (aside from work, which just can't count).

So, I'm becoming less and less mainstream as time goes on. Big surprise. Someday I'll reach my goal of becoming self-sustaining and living off the grid somewhere in the mountains of Colorado. Maybe I'll become some crazy old lady witch doctor who dispenses herbs to my crazy fellow countrymen (and countrywomen) and helps the younger womenfolk when they birth their babies.

Or, perhaps my company will hit it big, I'll retire early with the money I make, and spend the rest of my life living in luxury in the Bahamas. Nah...that doesn't even sound good to me (really, it doesn't).

Life goes on

2006-03-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I went to a going away party for our friend, Karen (the one we went to Canada with). She's moving away to California to be closer to her parents. I'm really going to miss her, but I know she'll be back for visits, and she's not too far away to visit as well. The party was great fun...I got to catch up with a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time, eat great Mexican food (it was a pot luck, and I'm friends with a number of great cooks), and drink way too much. I haven't done the latter in a while and probably won't again for a very long while, but it was still a blast.

Sunday Jim and I broke down and tried the new DDO (Dungeons and Dragons Online) game. We're both into all that geeky fantasy crap, and this game was awesome. We've been into Guild Wars lately, which I still love, but I think this game is better. I expect I'll be sinking some time into that for a while. Last night we even got to play with a couple of buddies from my work. Since many of my coworkers live and work in IL, I don't get that much personal interaction with them, so it was kind of nice. I hope we get to do more of that (if they can put up with my newbie mistakes).

Speaking of work, I found out today that I'm going to be the lead person for the software development of the next release of one of our products. It's a little overwhelming, but when I think about it, it's really a bunch of administrative stuff. Track problem areas so they don't get lost, attend status meetings and report status for myself and my team, and in general make sure nothing is slipping through the cracks. Shouldn't be too hard, right? I've been in this field for going on 9 years(!!!) now, so is should be able to handle this by now.

On a totally different note, I've been pondering my libertarian tendencies and if/how much I agree with the "formal" Libertarian policies(???...that's the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one at the moment). I've seen debate on more than one message board that talks about how a "true" Libertarian believes this or that. In my opinion, if we're going to try to characterize someone based on their beliefs on a whole array of issues, then we might as well forget ever having any sort of "party", because you're never going to get even 2 people to agree on everything, let alone any party large enough to do any kind of good. Another thing that I've seen that really bothers me...and this is probably my former religious background influencing me...is people asking things like, "If I'm a Libertarian, what should I believe about X?" My answer is you should believe whatever you think is right. If you want to ask the formal Libertarian position on something and the reasoning behind it because you're trying to form your opinion about something, that's one thing...I believe healthy growth requires talking things out with others and listening to other opinions. But to ask what you "should" believe really bothers me, because then you're giving up your own thoughts and ideas. This applies to any group; I'm just using Libertarians as an example because I was reading something in earlier today. Anyway, I'll probably write another post on some things I've been pondering in this regard in the near future.

Vacation recovery

2006-03-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

I spent last week with my family and some close friends in Fairmont Hot Springs, B.C. It was my first time out of the country. Ok, that's not entirely true...I have walked over the border into Nogales a couple of times. But this was my first time to go through customs and actually spend time in another country. It was great fun, and I did learn that if/when I go somewhere again, to make sure I understand what items can be brought out of/back into the country. I didn't run into any problems, but had I decided to buy the Canadian beef jerky that I contemplated getting for my dad, I would have had to give it up. Things like that are good to know ahead of time.

Anyway, we flew into Calgary (which always makes me think of one of my favorite movies, The Cutting Edge), and then drove across the Rockies into Fairmont Hot Springs. I always love driving through the mountains, so this was a great treat for me. Something about the forest just calls to me. If I believed in reincarnation (which I might, I'm just not sure), I would be convinced that I was a forest dweller in another life. I feel so at peace in the forest, like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Someday I will live there.

I didn't get to ski, which I was kind of bummed about. Especially since I was the only person who actually brought skis with me. Go figure. Anyway, Michael could only get 1 hour ski lessons and someone had to watch him. I didn't see the point in buying a lift ticket for myself only to ski for an hour. I am glad that Michael got to take 3 ski lessons (on 3 different days). He's stopping and turning, and staying upright in general much better now. He gets tired easily; by the end of an hour he's wiped. His teacher says his legs just aren't that strong yet. But, progress is progress. Someday we'll be able to take him skiing with us. I tried to coach him a bit before his first lesson, but I'm just not a good teacher. I'm patient enough, but I don't know how to get the ideas across to him.

In any case, I did get to spend one night at the hot springs, which was fabulous. And just opening the curtain every morning to catch a view of the surrounding mountains was wonderful. And I wasn't hot *once*. Those who know me know how much I hate being hot. It was cold, but nothing that couldn't be solved by wearing a jacket and gloves. People often think I like being cold. Quite the contrary. I love to snuggle up all cuddly warm under a blanket or inside of a nice sweater. I just need cold weather to accomodate that.

I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with our friends: Karen, her sons Joey and Jonny, and her other son Richard and his new wife, Debbie, and their daughters Lindsay and Stephanie. I had never met Debbie or the girls before. I felt like I clicked with Debbie right away and the girls are awesome. I hadn't spent so much time with Joey before, so that was nice...I loved having a tea buddy. :) And Jonny as usual was fun to be with.

Anyway, all this was difficult to come home from. I'm still in a bit of a daze. I'm sure I'm a bit tired, too. I'm getting back into the swing of work. I just started a new release of our PTT (Push To Talk, i.e., cell-phone walkie-talkies) product. Right now I'm reading requirements and translating them into what code needs to be modified. This isn't my favorite phase of the project. Lots of reading makes Lisa a sleepy girl. But, I'm getting through it.

Tomorrow I have lunch with the work gang at a Greek restaurant in Phoenix. The place is called Greekfest; I've never been there before, but it's supposed to be really good. That should be a treat.

Funkified

2006-01-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know what has come over me, but I feel like a dark grey cloud of funk has settled over me. I really don't know why. It's Friday, I don't have big plans for the weekend (this is a plus for me, as I love feeling like I have 2 whole days that I can do whatever I want with), and I finally found a software bug that I've been chasing down at work for the last 3 days. I was actually feeling pretty good, too, until a few hours ago. Now I just feel like I want to curl up on a bed and sleep, or veg in front of the TV. Even reading a book sounds like too much effort at this point (sad, eh?).

Perhaps it is because we are going to have to put down our dog, Kosmo. He's been getting sicker over the past few weeks, and it is time. He has sores on his body and the last day or two, has generally not wanted to move. More than once he has gone to the bathroom in the house, I believe because he didn't want to expend the effort it takes to push the doggy door open. Poor little Kos. He's been with us...8 years now? 9, perhaps? In any case, long enough. He was our first dog. Boy, that dog has pissed me off more times than I can count! But it seems weird to think we won't have his feisty little self running around. DS4 is sad about it, too. He says Kosmo is his favorite dog. I'm not quite sure how to present this whole death thing to DS4. Just trying to play it by ear.

So perhaps that is my problem. Although I was feeling strangely detached about the whole thing earlier today. Maybe that's a part of the grieving process. I've never really dealt with any kind of loss that way before (feeling detached)...usually I'm more of the "OMG, I'll *never* see him again..Waaaahhhhh!!!" type of person. Maybe not out loud, but that's how I usually feel.

On a more positive note, last weekend I booked tickets and reserved a car for our vacation to the Canadian Rockies in March. Our adopted Mom (and adopted Grandma for the kids) has graciously invited us to share her timeshare with her and her family up there. I've never been to Canada, so that is exciting enough. Plus I love spending time with surrogate mom, as do the boys. I just feel like one of her family when I'm with her. And I absolutely *love* mountains and forests...you could drop me off in the middle of a bunch of pine trees and snow, and as long as I had a way to adequately warm myself, I'd be pleased as pie. So it should be a great vacation. I can't wait!

Update

2006-01-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

I forgot to update on a few things:

The juicer - I've decided it's a keeper, and I created a home for it on my countertop. I read mixed reviews on how long it will last, but for a $100 powerful juicer, I think it should do fine as long as I'm careful with it.

DS3's bed - IKEA gave me a replacement part without any trouble (other than having to wait forever for them to have one of the bed packages brought into the return area to be opened). After a couple of curse-sessions, I got the bed put back together. DS3 finally got to sleep in his regular bed again last night. :)

Work - I got the bug fixed and everyone is happy. Turns out it really didn't need to be done by Monday, but that's ok. At least I didn't have it hanging over my head, and I have plenty of other things I need to be doing (contrary to what I might be implying by updating my blog right now :/)

Marching to a different beet

2006-01-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

Last week I signed up for 6 weeks (or is it 8? or 12?...anyway) of delivery service from a local organic farm. Basically, you buy a share (or you can get a half-share, which is what I did), and they distribute everything evenly amongst the members. It's different from a buying group in that you're not guaranteed a set amount; rather, your portion is based on whatever the farm produces. But, the price isn't bad, and I thought it would be worth a try...I've started buying organic when I can, and I like the idea of supporting a local farm. Plus, this is a good way to force myself to try new veggies, which I'd really like to do because the salad/spinach/carrot/green bean rotation is getting a bit old. And, they deliver right to your door once a week (they also give you a compost bag and pick up your organic fruit & veggie scraps, which is cool). Here is their website for anyone who may be interested: http://www.desertrootsfarm.com/

I got my first delivery last Friday. It contained:
baby beets (w/greens)
baby turnips (w/greens)
kale
spinach
lettuce/salad mix
baby cauliflower

I think that's it. I had some of the salad for lunch yesterday and it was fabulous...much fresher than the stuff you get in the store. Very tasty, too. Last night I forced myself to cook the beets. I've never eaten beets before; had never even seen them, really. I had no idea what they would taste like. So I cleaned them up (no need to peel them, since they are young and tender, the note from the farm said), cut them in half, and sauteed them in olive oil with some salt. I washed and cut up the greens as well, and when the beets were almost done, I added in the greens, more salt, and some fresh crushed garlic.

I don't eat enough greens, but I've never had a green sauteed in olive oil and garlic that I didn't like, and these were no exception. I also think the beets carmelized a bit (difficult to see for sure, since the beets are dark purple and I was using a black cast iron skillet), which added a sweetness to the greens. So the greens were fabulous. The beets were, well, kind of tasteless. Not bad, but not great, either. Just kind of blah (which was actually good, since I was honestly expecting something more on the order of "gross"). DH and I ate them with the greens. I think next time I'll try roasting them with some garlic to give them more flavor, or if I saute them, I'll cut them up first so that I can cook them with garlic (I was afraid to do the garlic this time because I thought the garlic would burn before the beets cooked through). All and all it was an ok experience, and at least I know if/when I get beets in my delivery again, I can eat them without them going to waste.

Today I'm toying with trying the turnips. Or maybe the kale. I'm dreading the cauliflower...I've never liked cauliflower (although I do like broccoli), so I don't know what to do with that. Maybe I can give it to DH and I'll take the turnips (which I suspect he won't care for). We'll see.