Homegrown Texan

Did you know that I hate the phone? Well, I do. When I was a little girl, I was actually scared to talk on the phone. I have no idea why. I remember the feeling, but I don't remember what I was afraid of, exactly. My parents would make me place phone calls in an attempt to get over this fear. I specifically remember one occasion where I wanted to go somewhere, and they told me I needed to call and make sure the place was open. My response? "Never mind, I don't want to go."

I'm not anywhere near that pathetic now. My first job out of college was working in the IT department for Motorola, which meant that I had to take lots of phone calls, so I got over any lingering fear of the phone pretty quickly. And now I telecommute full time, so I have to use the phone. I'm ok with it, but I still don't like it. I'd much rather use email or instant messaging.

I've been trying to figure out why that is. I think it's because I like to think things through before responding. When I'm on the phone, I feel put on the spot, and I don't like that. This really only applies to business type decisions. But I don't really like talking on the phone with my friends, either. Being a female, this is kind of weird. It's like, I have a mutant gene or something. I'm supposed to like talking on the phone. I don't feel put on the spot with my friends, per se. I think it's just that I'm not a particularly chatty person. Hmmm, that's not always true. I can sit and talk to some people forever. But sometimes I don't have anything left to say. Or just don't feel like talking. When I'm sitting with someone, small silences aren't weird. But they are awkward on the phone. I also don't know how to end the phone call. I feel like I have to have some acceptable reason to get off the phone. So I find myself looking for something, like "I need to make dinner" or "I need to put the kids to bed". If I don't have something like that going on, I panic, because then I don't know what to say besides "I'm tired of being on here, I want to go". Which feels rude. And it usually has nothing to do with the person on the other end, I'm just ready to be off.

I guess I'm just not a very verbal person. Maybe that's it.