Homegrown Texan

Sad...that I didn't get to be at home for my kids' early childhood, and that I don't get to be home for their summers. Yes, I work from home, but I'm holed away in my office where I really don't get to see them.

Tired...of the hot, dusty summers. I hate the heat, especially when there is SEVEN MONTHS of it, and I hate dust. I really do hate it here.

Depressed...that my job is so uncertain, but even more important and frightening, that I can't seem to get motivated to look for another job.

What I really want: to be a stay at home mom. To volunteer at my kids' school, or homeschool my kids (in a very interactive, make sure they are involved in activities with other kids sort of way, not a reclusive sort of way). To grow our own food. To be nearer my parents. To be somewhere cooler and more green. Some of these things are mutually exclusive, I know, but I can't even seem to get one thing right at this point.

I feel so beaten down right now, I don't even know how to move. I know I'm the one who has to change my life, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do.