Homegrown Texan

Born and raised in Texas, I've found the home of my heart and soul in the Pacific Northwest. I love trees, cool weather, and rain. I'm a back to basics kind of gal just trying to raise my family and find a bit of time to slow down in this hectic life.

Boy, I'm so great at keeping up with this, aren't I? Oh, well, I have no one to answer to but myself.

I'm missing Austin more and more. It almost seems unfair that when I made the decision to move to AZ over 10 years ago, I had no idea the impact it would have. I was young and had never lived out of my parents' house, let alone out of the city, so I was excited at anything new. Plus relations with my mom were less than stellar, so even though I'm sure getting out of the house would have been enough, psychologically I think a long move felt like a huge step towards getting away from all that.

What I didn't know was how much I would end up missing the place. I love the trees, the air, the way the city looks, and the way the roads intermingle like spaghetti. I miss seeing green everywhere, and the spring wildflowers. I miss Texas Bluebonnets. I miss the food (God, I'm craving Tex-Mex, and BBQ, and REAL chili, and chicken fried steak, and meat markets on every corner, and a *real* meat section in the grocery store, and fresh pecans sold on the side of the road, and, and, and...). I miss a "real" winter (northerners would laugh at this statement, but I just miss having a fair number of days to snuggle up in layers of clothes ALL DAY). I miss Mount Bonnell (my favorite place to relax and just think). I miss my parents (including my mom...she has made so many changes, and I love her and am so very proud of her for them). I miss my friend Joanna. I miss going for drives on back country roads just to think and relax. I miss having a memory with every place I go.

What I really regret, is I had no idea how hard it would be to reverse that decision to move here. I thought "I can move back as easily as I move there, should I decide to do so". For one thing, I didn't think I would want to move back. I don't know if it is a product of having kids, or getting older, or both, but something about the process makes me want to go back to my home. But it's not so simple. I now have a job, and a house, and a husband with his own ties here, and kids in a school that is wonderful and not easily replaced.

But I do, I want to come home. I want to spend time with my parents as an adult (something I never really got to do; I was barely grown when I left). I fear that if I wait for my kids to finish school, I'll be too late. And besides, I don't want to wait. I want to come home. But I don't feel like I can rip up my whole family's lives just to do that. I'm just not sure what to do.